February 23

I worked really hard again today...I'm not going to get better by taking any days off and walking is only going to be easier with more muscle and less added weight to carry around. I tried a new cardio machine at the gym that really worked both legs and arms- dad helped transfer me onto the chair and then mom helped use ace bandages to keep my feet in place. I did it for 20 minutes and logged 3000 steps! I hope to beat that tomorrow. I then went to the pool and for the first time stood completely on my own, someone didn't have to hold my knees to keep them from bending.

I got more bloodwork done to check my thyroid level and other things like calcium, potassium, iron, etc. My doctor even personally called me to tell me everything was completely normal except my thyroid levels are still a little elevated, so we're going to increase my meds a little. It's way better than it was and it's comforting to know all that hair loss was thyroid related and not something else (I already have tons of baby hairs coming in).

I feel like I'm constantly learning new things about that first month or so that I was sick...some of it is scary but some is actually funny. Like when I got blood drawn today, Mom talked about how awful it was to try to do it when I was in the hospital. They stuck me countless times- arms, wrists, hands, between the toes (ew, glad I don't remember that!) and they even had to do something to get blood from the arteries because they couldn't through the veins? Then we were watching a medical drama tonight and the doctors put this tube up a guy's  nose to reach his stomach for food and my parents said I had that before they put the feeding tube in my stomach...I'm REALLY glad I don't remember that! But for some of the funny things- apparently I was obsess with Little House on the Prairie and I Love Lucy and wouldn't let anyone change the channel...I never watch either of those shows and have no idea why I wanted to watch them..especially over the food network!

I fell into that pit of self pity the day before yesterday and it was hard to get out of it...I need to remind myself to keep focusing on the good because as soon as I start thinking about any of the negatives, it starts to consume me. What I wouldn't give to get up and make myself each meal, but at least I have a mother that enjoys doing it (and has me help to some degree). Or how badly I want to go to the gym like I used to, but at least I have loved ones that help make sure I get to the pool or do some kind of workout each day. I've said it many times, but a lot of good has come from the last six months and I just need to focus on those things and give Him continual praise for them so I don't fall into that it again.