February 27

We left for DC Friday evening because our flight left at 6:30 am Saturday morning. We stayed at a hotel just minutes away from the airport, so it was perfect. When Dusty and his family checked in, I wasn't with them, so they made the assumption that they didn't actually need a handicapped room and changed it without us knowing until we got to the room and realized it wasn't going to work. They were so apologetic, but it made me wonder if people actually do that... I'll admit that I'm guilty of using the handicap parking spaces thinking "I'll only be a minute..." What I didn't realize is how much that may affect someone who actually needs it. Everyone around me has been made more aware of the necessity of all things labeled "handicap" and especially those things that lack that label when they should have it. It's something we run into all the time. I'll tell you about our day of travel and you'll understand...

Our taxi got to the hotel at 4:15, needless to say, we didn't get much sleep. Things went fairly smooth in the morning, though, and I rode on my first handicap taxi. I was surprised at how easy it was. There was a ramp in the back and I wheeled up it no problem. We waited in line to check in, but that was pretty much the only line we waited in. JetBlue was so good to us! We got moved to the front of the line at security (ALL 7 of us). 

 I was first on the plane for our trip from DC to Florida. Dusty transferred me to this little tiny aisle chair. It was barely big enough for my behind! They fastened straps around my shoulders, waist, and two down my legs. I don't know how anyone bigger than me gets down the aisle in that chair...the space between the seats on the plane is so narrow, I'm surprised my thighs even fit through!

They actually had my regular wheelchair waiting for us when we landed in Florida. And one of the JetBlue employees wheeled me all the way to our next gate. She even made sure the whole family was together (bathroom breaks and all).

The next flight was a little longer. They warned us that Punta Cana would use some sort of elevator to get me off the plane since they don't really pull up to the terminal, they use one of those moveable flights of stairs. It was just our luck that the elevator contraption was broke when we landed. Dusty had even said he didn't have a good feeling about it when we were landing and I said "why, because the airport looks like a straw hut?" Haha. They used a similar aisle chair as the US, but of course, there were only shoulder straps so I was practically falling out. Then, no lie, FIVE men carried me down the flight of stairs like an Egyptian princess. It was hysterical. You couldn't help but laugh. I wish there was a video! 

One of the men that helped me off the plane stayed with us, got our baggage, let us skip the customs line (!!!), and helped us find our shuttle. Dusty has never been out of the country, so he had no idea what a disaster the customs line can be. Luckily, he didn't have to experience it. The employee took us all the way to the front, past hundreds of people and probably a few hour wait. 

The shuttle to the resort was another adventure (and the driver was no Herb!) Dusty had called repeatedly to make sure everything was handicap accessible, but that has a different meaning around here. It would've made my parents and therapists cringe, but Dusty and his brother got me into the shuttle...we'll leave it at that haha. 

The resort suite was also supposed to be okay with the wheelchair, but surprise, it wasn't. My loaner wheelchair is literally half an inch too big for the bathroom doorway. The first night and day here were... Interesting.  But Dusty's cousin just found a wheelchair that fits in the bathroom, so showering and getting ready will definitely go better this evening!

 

February 25

What an amazing day! I was so overwhelmed and brought to tears on several occasions (but surprisingly held it together). First of all, the drive to Baltimore was super easy and felt much shorter than that drive to Philadelphia. We got to Kennedy-Krieger and were able to drive right up to the front and get out (there's a free valet service). The building itself was impressive right off the bat. The parking people and security lady were all so friendly and welcoming. 

Two nurses brought me back to an exam room and one took my vitals, then left. The other gathered my previous medical history before she left. Then Dr. Recio and his resident came in to complete their exam. We thought it was a joke when we were told it'd take over two hours, but were surprised at how fast that time went- and the doctor was with us, teaching us the whole time. I really liked the doctor and how knowledgeable and friendly he was...he was funny and also answered all our questions. No, we still aren't positive what caused everything, but many other questions were answered. It'd be nice to know what caused all of it, but honestly, as long as I keep getting better, I really don't care that much. Of all things going on, that's not my biggest concern anymore. However, we did get an email from one of my UVA doctors yesterday morning. She had heard back from San Francisco (where they sent my spinal fluid) and they were still unable to detect a specific bug or cause for the illness. She thinks the sample may have been taken too long after the initial presentation or that everything was a type of autoimmune reaction to an infection, rather than the infection itself. That still doesn't tell us too much, but it's at least more than we knew before.

Dr. Recio assessed me head to toe with this instrument that vibrated and I had to say if I felt it, when the vibration stopped, and if it was normal (compared to how it felt on my face). He then did a head to toe assessment of my reflexes and said they're ALL intact! This is a big deal because when I got to Magee, my lower body had no sensation or reflexes...I didn't even have tricep reflexes. He made the comment that just like how I used to just have the reflexes in my arms and now they're 100% recovered, my legs now have the reflexes...like that's just the next step in recovering. They also did a head to toe assessment of sensation- dull vs sharp. That's where it got a little harder for me to tell the difference.

He used the white board to draw things out as he explained them. He determined that my injury level is T5 ASIA B. T5 is the level on the spinal cord (thoracic), and ASIA B is the classification.. 

He said my injury was originally medullary (brain stem) and would've been classified as ASIA A. He prescribed 3 hours of PT, an hour of OT, and an hour of aquatic therapy every day for two weeks starting in March...it has to wait a little since I'm going to Punta Cana next week and everything has to be approved. Also, we're just starting with two weeks because that's easier to schedule and we'll see how everything goes with therapy and keep reevaluating as we go. 

I loved how confident he was and excited about things I could do...this is an amazing institution with many miracle stories and he's excited about me? That must be a good sign! When there were things I couldn't do, he'd say "not yet," which kept me feeling positive. He had asked me what I hoped to achieve and I said "more core strength, balance, and leg strength." He wants me to use stim on my legs and core while at home and in daily activities to get the muscles stronger. He said we've got our work cut out for us, but those weren't unattainable goals.

There was probably more that happened and I'm forgetting to mention, but we were so overwhelmed! If I remember anything extra, I'll mention it later. 

I spent the evening packing for my trip- something very hard to do now that I need more things and that I can't help as much...I also have no idea where some of my stuff is since I don't remember much from when I got sick and because I wasn't there to pack up and move out of my house the other week. Fortunately, I have new clothes from Mom and Maureen and both my parents were patient enough to go through my things and find everything I wanted to pack. 

I know traveling is going to be different for me in a wheelchair, but I'm not too worried about that. I'm a little stressed about keeping all my stuff organized and needing too much or taking up too much of everyone's time. (I love Dusty, but he's not as organized as Mom, haha). But Dusty keeps saying not to worry about anything- easier said than done because I've always been one to stress about everything! Last night Dusty said "I promise I will make sure everything goes smooth. It's going to be easier than you think." He also said "I know you're worried, but I promise I'm going to take care of you." I told my mom about that this morning and it made her get a little choked up. I'm so thankful everyday to have someone love me as much as he does (but he doesn't like to hear how great he is, so don't try to tell him).

I'm not sure about wifi and if I'll be able to blog, but I will if I get a chance...if not, say a prayer for a relaxing week in paradise!

Here's what was on the wall when I entered the building yesterday: 

I am full of hope. 

February 24

I felt so incredibly loved today. Sally joined us at the pool today and said how much of a difference she's noticed since our time together in Philly. I can't really tell much of a difference in myself on a daily basis, so it's nice to hear from someone who doesn't see me daily.

While we were gone, Maureen delivered the sweetest package...I got home and it felt like my birthday came early! She wanted to give me stuff for my trip next week and it was really thoughtful. There were brightly colored scarves, a tropical printed Vera Bradley purse and wallet, clothes, my new favorite chocolate, duct tape (because someone recommended bringing some in case anything broke...she even found a roll with palm trees and one with glasses), the list goes on. She said she gave up shopping for herself for lent and decided to shop for me instead...that made me laugh, but I'm so touched. 

My parents and I went to Dr. Wehner's retina office after the pool. I shadowed him in high school and have worked for him whenever I could ever since. He's taught me a lot over the years- not just about the eyes, but also about how to treat patients and how to run an office with great staff that actually like their jobs.  I hope to be as successful as him one day and pray my patients see me the way they see him. He's been so supportive while I've been sick and I can't thank him and his wife enough for all they've done...his staff has also been so diligent in checking in on me and  sending me cards, texts, and funny videos to make me laugh and let me know they're thinking of me. I've been wanting to visit, but today was the first opportunity I had. Everyone welcomed me with open arms and I just felt so overwhelmed by how much love I was shown...I'm so lucky to have people like this in my life.

Tomorrow is the first page in the next chapter...my appointment at Kennedy- Krieger is at 10am. Both Mom and Dad are going to be able to come and I'm glad I'll have that much support. It's supposed to be a medical assessment and an OT evaluation, but I'm not sure what any of that involves. I haven't really seen a specialist in myelitis (which is the closest explanation to what happened), so I'm looking forward to hearing someone else's opinion and getting a few questions answered.

I'm still trying to be patient, especially now that I've learned how long the healing process takes, so this was a nice reminder. 

February 23

I worked really hard again today...I'm not going to get better by taking any days off and walking is only going to be easier with more muscle and less added weight to carry around. I tried a new cardio machine at the gym that really worked both legs and arms- dad helped transfer me onto the chair and then mom helped use ace bandages to keep my feet in place. I did it for 20 minutes and logged 3000 steps! I hope to beat that tomorrow. I then went to the pool and for the first time stood completely on my own, someone didn't have to hold my knees to keep them from bending.

I got more bloodwork done to check my thyroid level and other things like calcium, potassium, iron, etc. My doctor even personally called me to tell me everything was completely normal except my thyroid levels are still a little elevated, so we're going to increase my meds a little. It's way better than it was and it's comforting to know all that hair loss was thyroid related and not something else (I already have tons of baby hairs coming in).

I feel like I'm constantly learning new things about that first month or so that I was sick...some of it is scary but some is actually funny. Like when I got blood drawn today, Mom talked about how awful it was to try to do it when I was in the hospital. They stuck me countless times- arms, wrists, hands, between the toes (ew, glad I don't remember that!) and they even had to do something to get blood from the arteries because they couldn't through the veins? Then we were watching a medical drama tonight and the doctors put this tube up a guy's  nose to reach his stomach for food and my parents said I had that before they put the feeding tube in my stomach...I'm REALLY glad I don't remember that! But for some of the funny things- apparently I was obsess with Little House on the Prairie and I Love Lucy and wouldn't let anyone change the channel...I never watch either of those shows and have no idea why I wanted to watch them..especially over the food network!

I fell into that pit of self pity the day before yesterday and it was hard to get out of it...I need to remind myself to keep focusing on the good because as soon as I start thinking about any of the negatives, it starts to consume me. What I wouldn't give to get up and make myself each meal, but at least I have a mother that enjoys doing it (and has me help to some degree). Or how badly I want to go to the gym like I used to, but at least I have loved ones that help make sure I get to the pool or do some kind of workout each day. I've said it many times, but a lot of good has come from the last six months and I just need to focus on those things and give Him continual praise for them so I don't fall into that it again.

February 22

Mom and I spent the morning on Kennedy-Krieger's website reading about the doctor I'm going to see and about all the testimonies/success stories. We were amazed and burst into tears more than once...I'm just so excited to see what the next step holds. They'd originally said most people do two weeks of intense therapy, but the doctor reviewed my chart and recommended I do four weeks.  We were also looking at all the equipment used and were pretty impressed with the technology.

Dusty helped get me down the stairs and out of the house in the morning and then Mom and I were on the go the rest of the day. It's crazy, but I swear there was more movement in the pool today than there was yesterday (I probably keep saying that, but it's true!) and standing up in the pool with the walker gets easier each time...I can do it longer with better posture and really try to put the weight through my legs instead of just holding myself up with my arms.

We went to Aldi and Costco, where I pushed myself around the whole time (it was exhausting, but I wanted the arm workout). I'm trying to eat a lot better- if you know me, you know that I always eat pretty healthy, but I don't like many veggies. And since I've been sick, I've developed the biggest sweet tooth...I used to have much better self control! So, I'm putting my whole family on a diet, haha. One thing I've learned is that you really need to take care of your body...I was in pretty good shape before I got sick and recovery is taking this long, I can't even imagine what shape I'd be in if I hadn't been working out and eating decent beforehand. Everything I do now takes a lot more energy, but it sucks not being able to get up and go for a run or hop on the elliptical (especially with my trip to Punta Cana next week!) The least I can do is eat healthier...I even ate zucchini and sweet potatoes last night (who am I?!)

When I got to Magee, Mom said she'd run a 5k with me when I'm better, so I think a diet is the best place to start. Stephanie and Dad even said they'd join. I wanted to be able to do it by Apple Blossom (an annual festival in our hometown at the end of April/beginning of May), but I'm trying to be more realistic as I've realized how long recovery takes no matter how hard I'm working. Dusty said he'd still run it and push me, which was really sweet, but we'll see as it gets closer. I'm also putting everyone through "Kelly boot camp" with how many transfers we do in a day, how many times someone has to go up and down the stairs when we're in the basement of the house, and by going to the pool each day. Before I left day rehab, I'd gotten two guys to stop smoking- Chris and Tim. Tim was struggling a bit with it, but on my last day, Chris couldn't wait to see me to tell me he hadn't had a cigarette all morning. I can't imagine how hard it must be to stop smoking, but I was really happy for them for trying. I hope they think of me giving them a hard time every time they reach for a cigarette now, haha. 

February 19-21

I've officially graduated from day rehab at Magee! Just because it was my last day didn't mean I worked any less...it was still a completely exhausting day. It was sad to say goodbye to all my new friends at the Sheraton. Everyone wished me good luck and I made promises to come back there as a study spot. Stella (one of the coffee ladies that would send fruit and cheese platters to my room while I was gone) gave me the biggest hug and told me repeatedly not to give up. Then I had to say goodbye to Herb, which was also difficult. There have been so many unexpected relationships that I've formed and will never forget. I can't wait to hold true to my word and come back to visit...while walking. 

Friday's rehab was filled with more goodbyes. I met a guy named Josh at the main hospital who left before me and joined day rehab. He has a high level injury (C6/C7) from a diving accident in July. He finished the day program last week, but still comes to the outpatient facility for therapy on the treadmill each day. He came for his regular therapy then stayed for lunch since it was my last day. All his treadmill therapy has been really beneficial and he actually just got some lower back activation. I have a really good feeling about his recovery, so I'm glad we exchanged contact information and I can see what other improvements he makes. Keep him in your prayers! 

Dusty drove me home and it felt so good knowing it was the last road trip between Winchester and Philadelphia for awhile. Im just ready for the next chapter. 

Saturday and Sunday were spent at the pool and at vineyards- my typical weekend activities. I feel stronger every time I go to the pool. Standing was way easier and I was actually able to float on my back with a noodle and kick myself halfway across the pool...I though dusty was behind me the whole time and didn't even realize it was me doing all the work. I'm looking forward to a full week of pool therapy and trying out some different equipment at the gym this week and even more excited about my medical assessment appointment in Baltimore this Thursday! 

February 18

Another perfect reminder that I can do this and I'm not alone. It's a great feeling to wake up and read words like this, then carry them with me throughout the day.

I had a good day. Therapy went well and I won at bowling when we went today as my last outing! Mom stayed with me until lunch and then Dusty got here. It's a bittersweet feeling knowing tomorrow is my last day. I'm so excited for the next step and being closer to home, but this really does feel like a new chapter in my life and I just have no idea what to expect. I'm also really bad with goodbyes. I've made some really great relationships and it makes me sad to know I'm not going to see some of these people as frequently. An incredibly crappy situation turned into a blessing that brought amazing people into my life. 

On the way home this afternoon, Herb turned the music down to ask me how long he'd been driving me back and forth on the shuttle. I told him 6 weeks and he he told me he'd gotten used to seeing my face every morning. He said it was a good way to start the day and that I'm an incredible person...he said I'd been an encouragement to him and that I was going to do great things. Of course, I was in the back seat tearing up and trying to hide it before he saw. He then had me find him on Facebook so we could keep in touch, haha.

February 17

I gave Herb some more of those cashews he liked so much (along with the Gouda that goes so well with it). He's asked me three times already if this is really my last week. He was convinced I had more time. He got a little choked up when I gave him the present and I think we'll both miss our morning rides.

I was welcomed back to the hotel this afternoon by one of the doormen, Greg. He joked that I was later than usual (it's funny that everyone here knows my schedule.) He then asked how therapy had been going and I told him this was my last week in Philly. He started telling me that he couldn't believe what had happened to me and that I'm one of the strongest people he's met. That's a pretty big statement coming from a stranger...I've never really used the words "strong" and "inspirational" to describe myself before, but those are two words I've been hearing over and over these days. 

Mom, Jenessa and I went to Reading Terminal Market when I got off the shuttle this afternoon. I'm actually starting to learn my way around! I just had to get another grilled cheese from one of the cheese booths. We went to happy hour at a bar across the street after we ate and watched a little bit of a bocce tournament they had going on. It looked so fun...now that's a game I would've been able to play- unlike first year of optometry school when my friends and I decided to play basketball (it was embarrassing-at least for me, haha). 

 

February 16

"Be still and trust my plan. I'm more than you think I am."

Those are lyrics from a song playing on the radio in the shuttle on my way to rehab this morning. It's probably not a coincidence that this was the devotional passage today...

I shouldn't be surprised with how spot on this devotional is, but I'm amazed more and more each day. I know God is using this time to do amazing things, but I can't help but somewhat wish these quiet hours away. I can't help but reflect on the few moments I do remember from when I first got sick, like waking up with the worst headache and still going to clinic to see patients...like Annie telling me multiple times that day to go see a doctor and me refusing because it was "just a migraine." How could everything change so fast? How could I just forget the next month and wake up completely paralyzed? It still brings tears to my eyes.

If some of God's greatest works can happen during sick circumstances, I hope they happen during mine. 

I'm thankful that this week is split between my mom and Dusty. Mom hasn't been to day rehab with me yet, so I had been looking forward to this time together. The last time it was just the two of us was during my first week at Magee (starting October 8). So far, we've had great conversation on the way here, good organization, amazing food, and very happy happy hours, haha. 

This morning, a woman I hadn't even seen working at the Sheraton before stopped to talk to me as if she knew me. She started by saying "are those legs starting to feel better?" I know it's obvious that I'm in a wheelchair, but it just seemed so specific that out of all things to ask, that's what she said. We got to talking and I told her I was in school to be an optometrist and that led into an even longer conversation about all of her eye problems. I actually really enjoyed talking to her about it and explaining a few different things to her. 

Things are really starting to come together for my time in Baltimore at Kennedy- Krieger. Not only is it going to be okay that Dad can be off work and still paid with that new benefit, but we just found out that there's no limit to the number of sessions of therapy I can have. How is that even possible? I've been around Magee and hospitals enough lately to know what a nightmare insurance can be in times like this. Everyone has a story. Somehow I'm blessed enough to have positive news about my insurance instead of the opposite. 

I've been having some weird sensations in my legs and feet the last couple days. Not sure if it's good or if it even means anything, but Mom reminded me that I talked about weird feelings in my arms and hands before they started coming back, so I'm crossing my fingers that changes may be happening in the next couple weeks. 

February 15

Nothing is impossible with God. That's something I firmly believe, but it's a different thought to think about Him creating miracles in MY life. He definitely is, but I can't help but wonder "why me?" sometimes. These days that question is geared more towards "why me" in terms of "how can this much good be happening and all these puzzle pieces be fitting together?" which is surprising to even me...don't get me wrong, I still can't help asking why it was me that had to get sick, but I'm feeling more at peace with everything and more confident that my body is healing, I just need to be patient. 

My timehop today said "what you do with your life is only part of the equation; the other, more important, half is who you're with when you're doing it." Mom keeps telling me this is about the journey and each day proves that. I'm trying to let go of my need for control and let God's will be done...trying not to focus on just what I want, but what God is doing right now. What He's doing is blessing me and those around me. The relationships I've formed and strengthened have blessed me beyond words. I think He's trying to tell me that He can do anything- including heal me, but that shouldn't be my focus. As hard as it is, I'm trying to focus on each day as it comes and leave the rest to Him. 

February 14

Happy Valentine's Day!

The last few days have been full of love and blessings. Friday's therapies went really well. I got to do the stim bike and spend time in the standing frame. I made Valentine's cards using watercolor pencils during my free time and Tom, one of the older patients in the program, is convinced I need to open a card making business, haha.

James drove from DC to come pick me up Friday afternoon, stayed at home for dinner, then drove back. Seems like a lot of driving to me, so I was really thankful he did that for me. I enjoyed having him there for my afternoon of therapy and then really liked catching up on our drive home. I'm so thankful for our friendship and am so proud of him. It's easy to forget that he's the younger sibling with how mature he is.

Stephanie met Mom and I at the pool Saturday morning. It's amazing how much more movement there is from week to week. Last week, my knees were barely coming out of the water when I floated on my back and kicked my legs and today, my thighs were coming out of the water! 

Dad had to go to a meeting for work Saturday morning while we were at the pool. There was a raffle and he won, wait for it....ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. As if that weren't enough, he also found out that he has a new benefit that allows him to claim disability for a loved one. He can have 26 weeks off at full pay for someone that meets family medical leave. It's perfect timing, just like so many other things these last few months. Our world was falling apart and God just keeps sending these signs to let us know that it's all in His hands and to not lose faith. 

February 11

Everyday I'm amazed all over again at God's perfect timing and placement of people in my life. My time with Sally earlier this week was something I'd been looking forward to for awhile. She's been friends with mom for a long time, but I never really had an opportunity to spend one-on-one time together. She sent me a card every day or at least every other day the whole time I was in the hospital. With all that was happening, it meant so much to have a constant like that. Sally left Wednesday morning and Mrs. Lenny, my friend Molly from school's mom, met me in the afternoon to stay with me the rest of the week. I've been friends with Molly throughout school and would call her one of my best friends, but I hadn't met her parents until literally 2 days before I got sick. 

The relationships I've made while in Philly are going to make me sad to leave! Stella, one of the women at the hotel, takes such good care of me. She's one of the ladies that always makes sure that I have my morning coffee and coupons to breakfast. Today, she made a special delivery to my room while I was gone- waters, orange juice, bananas, and a beautiful cheese platter. And she wouldn't even accept a tip..I'm thinking hard about what I can do for her next week to thank her for all she's done. 

Herb is another person that has made my stay in Philly so comfortable. I love our morning conversations and listening to KLove Christian radio. We always talk about different songs and love when they share the morning inspirational story. This afternoon, he said "I don't get it...how are you so likable?" It was sweet and made me happy. I told him it was easier to be happy than miserable and that it's how I want to be perceived, for people to see God's light through me. I feel like that's happening because of his comment last week that he knew "something was different" about me when we talked about my faith.

I did more wheelchair skills and the wheelies were already better than earlier this week! I also got to be in the standing frame during group and Joey, the therapy dog I had worked with a couple months ago, joined our session. I reflected on the first time I saw her and could hardly hold my balance just sitting and leaning side to side. 

For this week's outing, we went to the mall. I went to chick-fil-a, the loft, and Starbucks, making it a very successful trip! I got to stay in the wheelchair I had used at the main hospital, which is so much lighter and easier to use. It felt good to be able to push myself around and shop the sales racks (although it was exhausting!) 

When I got back to the hotel, Mrs. Lenny and I went to a nail salon down the street and got manicures. I can't even remember the last time I got to do that. It was relaxing and the lady that did my nails was so nice. I was excited to get them done for my Valentine's date Saturday night! (Dusty and I have reservations at the Butcher's Station, an amazing restaurant at home). We then went to a nearby Irish pub for dinner. It was absolutely freezing, but I'm glad we ventured out because it turned out to be a really great evening. (And to top it off, TGIT, my favorite Thursday night shows, all came back on!)

February 9

"It is not an easy road, but it is a delightful and privileged way." I'm not quite sure if delightful is the exact word I'd use, but I do feel privileged with how blessed I've been. With as much as this has sucked, I'm not sure if I'd change it. Yeah, I'd like to fast forward and be able to reflect on it instead of still living through it, but I've learned so much. My relationships are so much stronger and I've gained so many new friendships. I remember Mom telling me a few weeks ago "I wouldn't wish for you to go through this, but I have enjoyed the extra time with you." It's like we feel guilty saying there's good in this experience...but I think that's the purpose- God is creating goodness and light in the darkness. Mom is always saying it's about the journey and to enjoy the now- not the frustrating parts, but all the good shining through. 

Today, the morning started rocky with the hotel fire alarm going off at 5:30...the loud speaker said to remain where you were, but I was so scared. I was laying in bed, not even in my chair...I felt helpless. How was I going to get out if they announced that we needed to evacuate? I was thankful to be on the second floor instead of the 25th, but still. I was comforted to know the firemen would know to check the handicap rooms first, but then I was upset to think about myself being labeled as "handicapped." Over 30 minutes later, a few tears, and several prayers, the alarm and flashing lights stopped. The rest of the morning was much smoother. Sally and I made it to breakfast downstairs and were greeted by so many of the wonderful staff members at the hotel. They all go out of their way to help me. I just got the buffet, but one of the waiters came over with refreshing oj and told us over and over how we didn't have to worry about the bill and that we could have anything we wanted. They offered my waffles and pancakes (that I can't eat because they aren't gluten free), then went into the back and made me an egg white omelet.

A floor transfer and wheelies were the therapeutic excitement of the afternoon. They were both so much better than the last time I did them, right before I left the main hospital. We ended the day of therapy with Jeanette, the woman in charge of the greenhouse at inpatient, helping everyone plant something for Valentine's Day. I planted an African violet and decided to give it to Herb for his wife. He was so happy and glad he didn't have to go to the store for a present, haha. I'm glad I gave it to him because he had a little bag of valentines candy for me and I would've felt bad if I didn't have anything for him.

Last night, one of my friends from college sent me this video. Although I didn't have Guillain-Barre, she thought I'd like it. 

http://youtu.be/VwQzjj9aQnQ

I cried the whole time I watched it, reflecting back on the past five months. I remember the trach, first time outside, my first hand movements, first time in a chair, first stand... It was all too familiar.  I shared it with Mom and Dusty. I think for Mom and I, it gave immediate hope; for Dusty, it brought back a lot of bad memories. I'm excited to continue my journey and be able to reflect back on my first steps, first time with a walker, then first time walking independently. I can't wait for my happily ever after. 

February 8

I've seen the saying before, but read it again today- "what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?" It's funny that I saw this today because I was thinking about thankfulness today...I loved how Peyton Manning kept saying how grateful he was when he was being interviewed after winning the Super Bowl. I think his words were more like "I just can't wait to go hug my wife and my kids...I'm just so grateful. I'll definitely be drinking a lot of Budweiser and thanking the big man upstairs." Haha. But seriously, he told like three different reporters how "grateful" he was and wasn't ashamed to mention God and refer to his faith in front of all those cameras. 

Part of the day rehab program is having to meet with a psychologist (something I'm not really a fan of, but I'm sure it helps a lot of people). I meet with her on Mondays, so I had to today. She asked me how this experience has changed me...something totally textbook to ask and very hard to answer, but I found myself talking about just how thankful I am. I mean, I've always been thankful for everything I have, but obviously I'm even more thankful now. You just never know when things can change and how fast. It's easier to be thankful for things like family and a house, etc., but you don't think about being thankful for things like being able to walk, feed yourself, push the button on your electric toothbrush...I'll never forget when Mom and I looked at each other my first night at Magee with tears in our eyes as we said we'd never take anything for granted again.

Today, I was thankful to see these words. I sometimes feel guilty when I find myself struggling or pitying myself...but God knows how I feel and doesn't fault me for constantly calling out and asking for His help. At the same time, I needed that reminder that my problems shouldn't be my focus. My focus needs to be on Him and on getting better; and trusting Him to give me the strength to be better. I don't want to be like Peter, doubting and starting to sink in the water. I want to rise above, full of faith and trust- knowing that it'll all work out. 

"You make all things work together for my good."

I look forward to the future and am not afraid. If I can make it through this, I can make it through anything. And I can't wait to see how beautiful the grass is on the other side.

Sally and I went to Reading Terminal Market today (I just couldn't get enough of it last week! And I've been craving the monster cookie I got ever since...so naturally, I had to get three more today haha). I was going up and down the aisles in my wheelchair when a man came speed walking past me, took a slight step back and said "I just got out of one of those myself....they said I'd never walk again. Keep it up." And that was it. He didn't know me, know what happened, nothing, but it was inspirational and more than likely a sign. Things happen for a reason and I believe God is reminding me not to lose hope. 

February 6 and 7

Both of the devotional passages for this weekend talked about slowing down, taking one step at a time, or resting/relaxing- all things I struggle with! But how appropriate because the weekends really are my time to rest and regroup (with the exception of my own pool therapy since I really just can't bare the thought of time off from therapy...why delay getting better and stronger?!) 

Don't give up...that's all I needed to see. 

I had another great weekend at home. I love that I'm able to get the max amount of therapy throughout the week and still be able to come home on the weekends. The only downfall is that there's not enough time to see everyone and do everything I want during that time home. But just two more weeks, then a much needed vacation, then I'll be able to get more things done when not in Baltimore. I look forward to getting back to some school stuff, like reviewing material, and catching up on Netflix, haha. 

I got to spend the afternoon at a winery Saturday- one of my favorite things to do. Dusty's mom and niece came over once I got home and I was so happy to finally make that happen because we'd been trying for the past three weeks and just kept running out of time. Miley has grown up so much since I've been sick...she's talking and making whole sentences these days. Dusty said he kept showing her my picture so she wouldn't forget me, that meant so much and just seeing how much he adores her warms my heart.

I have a good feeling about this week. My mom's long time friend, Sally, is coming with me to Philky until Wednesday. She's been like family (aka Aunt Sally) for as long as I remember, but I'm thankful for this time alone together. It's another example of the relationships God is blessing and strengthening. 

February 5

My timehop showed me that 3 years ago I posted "give me strength when I'm standing and faith when I fall." Then my devotional said "The most persistent choice you face is whether to trust Me or not. You will never run out of things to worry about, but you can choose to trust Me no matter what." I feel like those two things kind of go together...when things are harder, put more faith in God...by doing so, it's like putting all your trust in Him. It's hard to worry when you're being so trusting. So I'm really trying to put all my faith in God and not worry so much. My friend, Christy, took the time to drive all the way to Philadelphia just to pick me up and drive me home today. We were talking in the car and I love she always has the perfect example or reference to relate to what we're talking about. She was telling me about a guy who said it's like a roller coaster...when life is easy, you cruise straight ahead, but when life throws you curves or takes a sharp turn, you cling tighter to the Lord. Those sudden changes in your easy, straight path cause you to be closer to Him...I think we should strive to always be nearer to Him, but like in James 1:2-3,  consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds...God doesn't necessarily want us to face those trials, but when we do, He rejoices at those opportunities for us to draw closer to Him. And it's during these hardships that God gets to show His goodness.

Dusty and I got moving early again this morning...with food as my motivation, haha. There's a food truck that comes to LOVE park on Fridays...it's a bagel truck called "Schmear it." They have gluten free bagels and I'd been craving it since Tracy introduced me to them when I was at the main Magee hospital.

Therapy went well..I'm getting so much better at managing my legs, like pulling them up onto the mat or bed by myself once I've transferred over from my chair. I can also hold myself up in tall kneel or on all fours- I used to need someone holding my hips and back when I first did it, I needed like three people to get me into those positions and hold it. My upper body is also getting so much stronger- I'm constantly increasing the weight!

February 4

Today is going to be a good day! Dusty and I got ready and into the hotel lobby in an hour and twenty minutes...40 minutes less than usual! I think it was a combination of being prepared for the morning (clothes picked out, etc), me taking a shorter shower, and Dusty getting a million times better at putting my compression socks on, haha (I'm still wearing knee high socks that are really tight, like women's tights or hose, that help with blood pressure and ankle swelling). We even had time for a sit down breakfast! The staff at the Sheraton have taken such good care of me and I have tons of free breakfast vouchers, but hadn't been able to use any because we're always so rushed. We not only had an amazing breakfast, but the waiter also gave me a to go container so I could pack up and take some fresh fruit with me. 

I love the mornings here because I am reminded of all the great relationships I've  formed and people I've met. The Sheraton staff greet me when I get to the lobby (Stella at the coffee stand, Greg the concierge, the doorman, and the restaurant waitress who makes sure I always have a free breakfast ticket- just to name a few.) Then I get over to Magee's main hospital for the shuttle and get to see the people at the desk there, the janitor that always gives me a hard time because she thinks her Eagles are better than my Redskins, and any nursing or therapeutic staff that may be arriving to work while I wait in the lobby for Herb. 

Speaking of Herb, I picked him up these black lava toffee covered cashews from DiBruno brothers because he seemed so interested when I was talking about them a couple weeks ago. This morning he was like "I gotta ask you something...am I a bad person for not sharing those nuts with my wife? I didn't even tell her about them" haha! He keeps them in the visor of the shuttle above the driver's seat. I thought it was hilarious. 

Two random things that stuck out to me and were on my mind today: we were behind a tractor trailer that said "May God bless you" on our way to rehab this morning and my timehop said "God's plans for your life far exceed the circumstances of your day." 

We went to Reading Terminal Market for our outing today- we have an outing each Thursday. I'd only ever been there on the weekends and knew it was difficult to get around by walking, let alone how it's be navigating through in a wheelchair. I was surprised not to have much trouble at all! I got Indian food for lunch, some chocolate peanut butter ice cream for the ride back, and a gluten free cookie for later. 

We left the market, stopped for coffee, then watched a little tv in the hotel room before I got ready for the night. I curled my hair and even wore a dress with my boots instead of my sneakers that I wear every single day. We went to a place called Continental for happy hour. They led us to the back, where their elevator was so we could be seated on the second floor (basically rearranging the place so my wheelchair could fit through the narrow hallway). Our waitress actually recognized me and said her brother goes to Magee for outpatient right now. She was so friendly and spent awhile talking with us- then took our first round of drinks and our border of edamame off our bill! I made sure to tip her well and we said we'd come back on the 18th when Dusty comes back to Philly-it'll also be my last night coming back to Philadelphia! When we left, we went about a mile down the road to pick up a pizza to bring back to the room. I really wanted to try this specific restaurant because they had gluten free crust, but we were a little disappointed (this didn't help with Dusty's distaste in gluten free anything).

I handled the weather outside so well- no extreme coldness or sweating like I've experienced pretty much every day since I've been sick. And it felt like the way things used to...getting ready and going out, doing whatever we wanted to do. I had a new appreciation for the city and just loved exploring like we did. It was such a good day overall and I'm really looking forward to more days like this. 

February 3

I start each morning by reading two things: my devotional and my timehop on my phone (an app that tells you what you posted on any social media on this day in previous years). Just like most days, they were so perfect for today. My timehop said "we don't meet people by accident" and my devotional was:

Yet another reminder to take one day at a time. It's comforting to know I'm not alone, especially when each day seems so long since progress consists of the smallest baby steps at this point. I may not see the changes or have instant gratification of how my therapies are helping me, but I'm trying to focus on God, the unseen, instead of those visible changes.

Today, Cate had me get into tall kneel and wanted me to hold it for 2-5 minutes. I did it for 5 minutes, took a break and then did it for another 8 minutes straight! In the afternoon, Kelly had me do weighted tricep pushes. I had been doing 50lbs, so she wanted me to go up to 55lbs. I ended up doing 60lbs! It was a good day and I feel like I really pushed myself and made the most of it.

Dusty got here this afternoon and our plans of exploring the city a little bit were cancelled due to a downpour of rain. We ended up just staying at the hotel and having dinner at their restaurant. Rachel and Jenessa stopped by- again, it's hard saying goodbye to everyone leaving for rotations...I did a lot better tonight than I did yesterday though. Everyone that knows me knows I'm just not good at handling goodbyes of any kind!

February 2

I didn't get a chance to create a post yesterday, but there was another perfect devotional passage. My "huge mountains" that loom in front of me are everything that involves a full recovery. Sometimes I'm so focused on that and I lose sight of what God is doing in my life at the moment...like the relationships and people He is placing here at just the right times. Speaking of relationships and people being there at the right times, I have some examples...

The first would be something I didn't even know about until Mom told me last weekend. My nurse in the ICU in Winchester wasn't even supposed to be working and turned out to be a big advocate for me- pushing the doctor to see how agitated I was and not being quiet about the feeling she had that something just wasn't right. Things like this have happened over and over again, but I usually don't realize it until afterwards. This weekend was different. Mom and I went to Magee on Saturday (mostly to waste time while the guys packed up my stuff and moved me out of my house in Philly since the lease was up). Mom went to bring our bags to the car while I went straight to the lobby to wait for her. On my way, I saw Mary, someone who has helped a lot with my case and has helped make sure I had somewhere to stay during day-rehab since I live so far away. I told her how great everything was going and how thankful I was that everything had worked out because this more intensive therapy was just what I needed. I talked with her up until we reached the lobby, where a middle-aged couple was waiting for her. They were there for a tour and Mary asked me if I had anything I wanted to tell them. I felt a little on the spot, but told them how great Magee is, what they've done for me, and that I hadn't met a single unfriendly person the whole time I was there. I continued inside and visited everyone- from nursing to therapists to cafeteria staff to old patients. A little while later, while we were driving out of the parking garage, we saw that same couple walking to their car. I rolled down my window to talk to them. I asked more about why they were there and what they thought about the facility. They seemed really impressed and told me how their 21 year old daughter got Guillian Barre Syndrome on December 24th this year. They also told me how comforting it was to go on the fifth floor and see how excited everyone was to see me and the impression I left with the staff because I reminded them of their daughter. We drove away and it was just so apparent to Mom and I how perfect that timing was. I could have just sealed the deal for them and their daughter..I just wish I'd gotten her name so I could pray for her by name. 

My friend, Maureen, has been with me for the beginning half of this week. Her sons played baseball with my brother and I've known them for a long time. It's been really great to spend time with her and catch up these past few days. We've explored the area around the hotel, gone out to eat, painted our nails, and went to the Comcast building.

Today was an emotional day. Three of my best friends from school stopped by to see me. Like I had said earlier, my classmates are now done with school in Philly and leaving for rotations. My friends came to say "goodbye." I couldn't help but cry almost the whole time they were visiting and then some more when they left...I'm upset because I wish I were done with classes and leaving as well, but I'm more upset about the idea of all of us being so far apart. I hate that the last four months were spent like this instead of really enjoying the last bit of time we all had together here. I'm still sad as I think about it, but I'm starting to handle it better as I realize that these months have also shown me just how wonderful all my friends are (not like I had any doubt!) 

I'm constantly being reminded of how blessed I am to have so many incredibly supportive people in my life. I'm trying to enjoy the time I have with all of these people... It's hard to use the word "enjoy" when I also feel like my world has somewhat fallen apart, but, like in the devotional- I'll keep my mind on the present journey, enjoying His presence and letting Him reveal how absolutely blessed I am to be constantly surrounded by such loving people.