November 4

One of my roommates, Jenessa, spent the whole morning with me Wednesday. I finally got to show her the roof since we hadn't had time the last few visits. Julie, the art therapist, opened the greenhouse for us and we had free range. She painted a cute wooden jackolantern and I found a wooden sign that said "believe." No one believed I painted it when I got to therapy!

In OT, we worked on those awful pants again. Natalie told me that we needed to come up with a better way to thread the pants over my ankle since just folding myself over my legs would overstretch my back. It took a long time, but I finally pulled my leg up to put the pants over one ankle! I also put a sock on that foot. Last time we tried this, I wasn't able to pull my leg up at all, so we were happy with the little bit of improvement.

In PT, I did the treadmill again. I walk at 50%, meaning the harness is holding 50% of my body weight and I'm holding 50%. After 5 minutes, we take a break and do different things to see if my legs are contracting (they respond better with weight bearing exercises). With the treadmill stopped, I've only been able to have the harness lowered to 35% (with me holding 65%). Well, today, I was able to have it lowered to 10%!!! I was holding 90% of my own body weight and the staff backed off my legs and hips...it was all me! I did lock my knees out though, but it's a good thing I was even able to lock my knees out!

It has been so great to show Stephanie around and catch up. The staff keeps telling me how I always have  people here with me and it's true. I'm so blessed that people are driving 3+ hours from Winchester to visit (sometimes just a day trip, which means 6+ hours in the car!) My friends from school made a spread sheet to help make sure that I always have company. (The nurses and therapists also like to tell me how great Dusty is...I think we all know that by now, haha)

My devotional really helped me start the day off on the right foot...

"Walk peacefully with Me through this day. You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you. You must traverse this day like any other: one step at a time. Instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step. The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me. This is a training opportunity...challenging times wake you up and amplify your awareness of needing My help."

The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

Isn't that perfect?! I'm a pretty emotional person...I can't let my feelings hide and I definitely can't hold it in for very long. Last Friday, when Natalie and I were working so hard on arms and conquering my fear of leaning forward, I started to cry a little bit. After I came forward, it had gotten to be so difficult to push myself back up and I was so exhausted. It wasn't the best way to deal with my frustration at myself, but that's how I handle things sometimes. I wish I had read this that day and reminded myself of those words "the more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me.:"

Like I've mentioned, none of this is easy. And sometimes, you just need a good cry. I was feeling guilty for getting upset and frustrated about my situation, but people keep reminding me that it's okay to feel that way. My mom and I have a quote that we have said to each other throughout this whole experience.."it's okay to take a dip in the pity pool, but you have to get out before you shrivel up." (It's something we read a few years ago as we followed one mother's journey through having a very sick baby.)

This passage also helped stressed the importance of taking one step at a time. I can be pretty patient with others, but I'm not as patient with myself. I didn't realize how long it takes to recover from something like this...nerves take time to make connections again and muscles take repetition to gain tone and strength. I'm still not 100% sure about how God is trying to use me throughout this journey, but I'm trying to lean on his word for comfort and guidance.