to look and feel more natural.
On Friday, I attempted the glider machine again (you sit down and it can pump you up into a standing position, then you move your arms like an elliptical...the hard part is keeping balance and that your arms are doing more of the work since the legs aren't really pushing much.) I only tried this once before, about 2 weeks ago. It was kind of a disaster because my balance was poor and my hips kept sliding all over. I also could hardly do any pushing with my arms. I was relieved at how much better this was, but it was difficult and I know I have a lot more work to do. I should be attempting the glider again on Sunday during my extra therapy session.
A group of friends from school came and brought me some of the best sushi ever. They got to stay during rec therapy and I got to bake again! I made gluten free chocolate chip cookies that were so amazing. We all enjoyed the cookie dough too!
I also did more mat transferring and I was actually able to manage my legs off the mat without the leg loops that I would use to have something to pull or hold onto. I also practiced some transferring in and out of the bed, which went really well.
When I first got here, I had a hard time being alone...I was so sick and either my parents or Dusty were always by my side the whole time I was in the ICU. I'm so fortunate that my parents have come to Philadelphia every single weekend, Dusty comes every week depending on his work schedule, and my friends have made a spreadsheet so I can have other visitors throughout the week. Mom even talks to people at home and they come up for the day to be with me. Even if there's nothing to do, I just like having the company.
We are still trying to figure out where to go from here as far as outpatient rehab. We have a meeting Wednesday to discuss the options, so prayers would be appreciated..I pray that the doctors and staff present all the options and that none of us are shy about voicing our concerns or opinions. I want to go to the place with the best program because I want to get better in the fastest way possible, but as time goes on, I just find myself wish more and more that I was home and constantly surrounded by everyone I love. However, we are going to pick the best choice and try to have everyone agree on it.
My friend, Nick, from school came to visit on Thursday evening. I was happy that he brought his Bible and wanted to read a couple things. I've been trying to keep my focus on the Lord through all this and really feel strongly that I'm being used, but I'm struggling more and more as time goes on. I would've thought it'd get easier, but instead, I'm asking God "why?" Questioning God's plan has made me feel really guilty, because I know this isn't my story, it's His and I'm just living it. Nick had a good point by mentioning the book of Job. The whole book has bad things happening to Job and he keeps yelling to God and asking why, but at the end, God says that Job didn't sin. All of that doubt and questioning, and God said it wasn't sinful. This made me feel a lot better. I know now that it is normal to get upset and question His intentions, but I'm also trying to be positive and take everything day by day.
My devotional said: "Leave outcomes up to Me. Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me. When your path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help.."
The part that really got me thinking was: "You already know the ultimate destination your journey; your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me.
How crazy is it that we forget about that final destination? I'm so focused on how I want to get out of here and how badly I want my legs to start moving, that I'm forgetting that this life isn't the end. Reading that definitely helped me shift my focus.
"I am pleased with you, My child. Allow yourself to become fully aware of My pleasure shining upon you. You don't have to perform well in order to receive My love...The light of My love shines on you continually, regardless of your feelings or behavior"
I am still confident of this: I will see he goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27: 13-14
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