November 26-29

 It was so great to have my family here for 5 whole days! It was even better to have improvements during that time!

There aren't too many common areas for multiple people to gather, so we were really fortunate with how nice the weather was. I can't believe it has been this nice in November! We had picnics outside and played more card games (and got to be as loud as we wanted, haha).

On Thursday, we were able to see some of the Philadelphia Thanksgiving parade from my favorite window in the lounge. We also just hung out, enjoying not having anything that needed to be done. Mom pulled off an amazing Thanksgiving meal. James and I don't really care for the traditional food, so mom borrowed a roaster and cooked a beef tenderloin. We also has potatoes, squash, green beans, and homemade pumpkin pie with gluten free crust that my aunt and grandma made! Magee allowed you to reserve rooms for your meal- whether you were bringing food or eating their food from the cafeteria. They have a huge area that they blocked off and made into several separate rooms. I had originally told them that it would only be 6 of us, so we were nice and close with 10 of us at the table.

On Friday, I had double PT, so my family got to see a lot of therapy. Instead of doing the stim bike this week, I tried a new machine that works the legs similarly to the bike, but also has arms, like an elliptical. There were extra electrodes that allowed my abs and back to receive stim. We also worked on transfers to and from the bed. Dad, James, and Steph all got to do it and did really well...and it'll only get easier as I get stronger. Steph and Natalie are still telling me how much better they get each week, so I'm hoping it'll be a piece of cake by the time I get home (and that I won't need to do any transfers after a little bit longer).

My aunts, uncle, and grandma headed home and I spent the rest of the weekend with my parents and James. We played more games and watched a great Redskins win on Sunday!! I also had double therapy on Sunday. I got in tall kneel again, with the bolster in front of me. Instead of 4 people, it only took 2! I worked with Rachel since Steph wasn't there over the weekend and she had me to little squats like I had done the last time we got into this position. She told me to really focus on my glutes and abs and pulling my hips forward and said that my glutes were definitely activating! We also got on all fours and I used my abs to pull my stomach in, instead of letting it drop. I was able to get from laying down on my back to sitting up completely alone, and since Rachel was so impressed, she made me do it both from moving to the right and then moving to the left (since I can't sit straight up with my lack of ab muscles, I kind of have to lean to the side and walk my way up on my hands).

Natalie felt some activation in my ankles over the weekend...so that made for a lot of improvements over the long weekend! Ankles, glutes, lower abs, and toe/foot reflexes are all starting to become apparent! I just pray that I'm patient enough...I know everything is there and trying to come back, they're just such big muscles that it's going to take awhile.

November 25

"When your mind is occupied with thanking Me, you have no tie for worrying or complaining. If you practice thankfulness consistently, negative thought patterns will gradually grow weaker and weaker."

Many of my devotional passages have been talking about thanks recently (how appropriate given the time of year). It seems ridiculous to thank God for some of the things I'm going through, but this has been on my mind lately. I've switched my attitude since last week, when I was still just questioning "why me?" over and over. This past week, I was overwhelmed with thoughts and the realization of how far I've come. I feel like everyone I've interacted with has a different attitude towards me as well- I would get offended or upset when people would talk about my future and being in a chair or doing things a certain way because I'm so set on getting full recovery. I know people wouldn't mean to come across that way, but I would still take it personally. This week, I feel like people actually went out of their way to say things like "you'll be doing this temporarily" or reminding me of how far I've come and how much I couldn't do when I first got here. Hearing so many comments about where I started and where I am now has made me more consistent in thanking God.

When I first got here, I couldn't even hold my own head up, let alone do anything with me arms. I remember having to wait a couple weeks before I could have my hair cut because I wouldn't have been able to keep my head off the headrest long enough to get it cut.

Constantly thanking God for every little thing I do each day has made me more at peace and a much happier person. I'm dealing with things a lot better because I'm making myself more aware of the progress I'm making, whether it's something as small as doing my hair or as big as wiggling my toes.

On Wednesday, a ton of my family showed up. My parents, brother, grandma, Stephanie (roommate from college), Dusty, Aunt Viv from Australia and Aunt Becky and Uncle Ken from New Hampshire. It was so fun to see everyone; making jokes and telling stories like we always do. Grandma hadn't seen me since I was in the ICU at UVA and anytime I did anything, she would burst into tears. It was a perfect day for them to show up because we had another standing group. There were about 5 of us that took turns standing with varying levels of assistance and we played a life-size game of Jenga. Each block had a different question on it to keep everyone engaged. I loved having my family there to see me standing and hearing them all yell and clap every time. I think all of the therapists and patients enjoyed our enthusiasm and laughter. My balance was so much better while standing and I reached a new personal best- 7 minutes!! I also only required two people to stand- one for each leg because I've gotten so much more trunk control. I was even able to lift an arm up and pull one of the blocks from the Jenga game!

All of us spent the rest of the evening in one of the conference rooms, playing cards and eating a great dinner that mom put together for us.

November 23 and 24

As the week of Thanksgiving starts, the devotional passages for Monday and Tuesday couldn't have been more perfect in reminding me about all I have to be thankful for.

"As you sit quietly in My Presence, let Me fill your heart and mind with thankfulness...Remember that nothing in heaven or on earth can separate you from that Love."

"Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity. That is why I have instructed you to give thanks for everything. There is an element of mystery in this transaction: You give Me thanks (regardless of your feelings), and I give you Joy (regardless of your circumstances). This is a spiritual act of obedience- at times, blind obedience. To people who don't know Me intimately, it can seem irrational and even impossible to thank Me or heartrending hardships. Nonetheless, those who obey Me in this way are invariably blessed, even though difficulties may remain."

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 118:1

On Monday, Natalie and I worked on transferring in and out of bed and lower body dressing. Like most things, they keep getting better each time I do them. I was happy to hear her say that through all this movement, she felt something going on in my legs. We've all felt or seen a little something going on, but I think because those muscles are so large, it's going to take a while to notice a more obvious movement.

Mrs. Lenny (my friend Molly's mom) came to visit again. I hadn't seen her in awhile because she was in Europe visiting family. (She had sent me a postcard while overseas and when I mentioned to Molly how nice it was, I hadn't realized that she didn't get a postcard...I told her I was just replacing her for the time being, haha). Mrs. Lenny also brought me prettiest angel ornament that she had gotten from one of the Christmas villages. I can't wait to hang it up on the tree (because I'll be home for Christmas!!!)

I did the treadmill again today. They had been worried about hyperextending my joints, so they tried decreasing the speed in order to have more control. This ended up helping and resulted in a very good session. The people that help with the treadmill have been the same from week to week, so they're able to tell if there are any differences. Today, they all noted how much more toned my legs were. They really had absolutely no tone when I got here and now they're actually looking like normal instead of "floppy" and very hypotonic.

Tracy had me go on the rooftop to practice curb cuts and riding on uneven surfaces in preparation of our manual chair outing the next day. It was difficult, especially going uphill onto a curb, but she thought I did well.

On Tuesday, the outing was very successful. Steph and Tracy had anticipated me needing to take more breaks or them having to push me at some point, but I think I surprised everyone (even myself). It was definitely hard work, but I think it's doable and I'd much rather be in a manual chair at home than a bulky and heavy electric chair (plus, I'm determined it'll only be short term anyways).

Natalie and Steph both agreed that instead of my transfers being "moderate-maximum assistance," they have improved to "moderate-minimum." I joke that, like with everything else I've learned, I'm just going to get really good at them and then I won't have to do them again.

Tuesday ended with a visit from one of my roommates, Christin. She had brought Christmas movies to keep us occupied, but I was more in need of a good friend and listening ear. I haven't had a bad day yet and something good happens in therapy each day, but I still find myself getting frustrated with the slow recovery. Again, it's really just slow to me. Everyone else can't believe how fast everything is coming along, but I'd like to be 100% healthy by tomorrow. As I laid in bed talking to Christin, I was trying to wiggle my toes (like how I try to move my legs when I'm just sitting still). I thought I could see a little bit of movement, so I had her look and tell me if she saw anything. She not only saw a little something, but she took a short video! The nerves are definitely healing and finding their way back to where they belong in my lower body- I just need to be patient enough to let it happen.

November 21 & 22

Had another great weekend with good company and of course, my amazing parents. You never really realize all you have until something happens that challenges you and your relationships. I've always been really close with my friends and especially close with my family, but somehow, this whole experience has strengthened all those relationships in a way I didn't know was possible.

On Saturday, my parents and I just hung out in the lounge, which is where we eat breakfast during the week. I always find myself in this room because I love to sit in the sunshine that comes through the windows. It's the only place in the building that I've found to have a good view and the warmth of the sun. We played games, ate food from home, made bracelets (which I'm giving out as Christmas presents), and Dad even walked down the street to bring back Starbucks.

I always sit still and try moving my legs, feet, or toes...I read that if you focus on it enough, it helps your brain make the connections. At one point, Mom looked over at me and asked what I was doing. I said "nothing...." and she replied with "are you trying to move your quads because I can see them contracting." I couldn't believe it. I mean, I've tried this several times a day ever since I got to rehab and I thought I was seeing the slightest movement, but wasn't sure. I even tried to trick her and asked if she could still see it when I was no longer trying, but when I wasn't trying, she couldn't see it. This really lifted my spirits on Saturday.

Mom also went through a journal that she had kept and written to me since I got sick. She documented all the ups and downs (unfortunately, there were more downs in the beginning). It's been a little hard for me to appreciate how far I've come at times because I don't really know how close I was to losing my life. I don't remember the whole month of September, so when people express how happy they are that I'm okay now, it's not something I handle as easily (there's still so much wrong, how can people consider this "okay" is that I'm usually thinking). I'm just impatient that I'm not 100% better already. Going through the journal and a calendar to document all that has happened in the last few months reinforced how lucky I am. Like Mom says, my body really has been through hell, and it's going to take quite some time to recover. I just keep praying that I can remember this when I start to get frustrated with what feels like a slow paced recovery.

On Sunday, I had an extra PT session where we did the glider again. Believe it or not, it went even better than Friday! I was able to push more with my arms, take less breaks, and stay up for an extra 5 more minutes. Caroline, the therapist I was working with, thought she could see some of the muscle contractions while I was sitting (this is new because they've only really been able to see a little bit of left quad contraction only during weight bearing exercises...not in the right and not sitting down). While I was doing the glider, the muscle contractions became more apparent, and Caroline even thought that the right was stronger than the left! Afterwards, she checked again and felt some hamstring and ankle movement, so I was over the top with excitement.

My tentative release date is Dec. 10, but now I really want to ask for another week since something is definitely starting in my legs!

Besides watching the Redskin's awful performance, Sunday was great. We got more Starbucks and even made it to open art studio so I could work on another one of my canvases. It's going to be someone's Christmas present, so a picture may not be posted for awhile.

Annie, Matt and Nick came by Sunday evening, making it an even better day. It was fun to just talk and watch tv, like we would've done at the house. They mentioned how the sermon at church that morning was something I would've really been able to relate to and told me that the church actually loads them onto the computer, so I'm looking forward to listening to it once they put it up. Before they left, Nick led us in prayer, which meant a lot to me. I'm so blessed to have people like them in life to keep me uplifted and focused on how far I've come and what God is doing in my life. It's like one of Christy's words of advice- surround yourself with people that will uplift you and ask for prayer.

My parents had to leave just a little bit earlier than usual because they had to drive to DC to pick up my aunt who was coming in from Australia. Our small Thanksgiving get together at Magee Rehab has turned into a big celebration! My aunt from Australia, my aunt and uncle from New Hampshire, my parents, my brother, my grandma, Dusty, and Stephanie are all planning to be here this week and I couldn't be more excited. I've also invited anyone I can on my floor, just incase they don't have any visitors that day. I know it'll be a day to remember and we all have so much to be thankful for.

November 19 and 20

Dusty got up early to help me get ready for the day before he had to leave for work on Thursday morning. I did a lot of balance work and transferring in both PT and OT. The more I do these things, the easier it gets. I had help to stand up twice and my posture was so much better. It's also getting a little easier to stand up straight like that. I think as my ab muscles come along and the more I'm on my feet, this will start
to look and feel more natural.

On Friday, I attempted the glider machine again (you sit down and it can pump you up into a standing position, then you move your arms like an elliptical...the hard part is keeping balance and that your arms are doing more of the work since the legs aren't really pushing much.) I only tried this once before, about 2 weeks ago. It was kind of a disaster because my balance was poor and my hips kept sliding all over. I also could hardly do any pushing with my arms. I was relieved at how much better this was, but it was difficult and I know I have a lot more work to do. I should be attempting the glider again on Sunday during my extra therapy session.

A group of friends from school came and brought me some of the best sushi ever. They got to stay during rec therapy and I got to bake again! I made gluten free chocolate chip cookies that were so amazing. We all enjoyed the cookie dough too!

I also did more mat transferring and I was actually able to manage my legs off the mat without the leg loops that I would use to have something to pull or hold onto. I also practiced some transferring in and out of the bed, which went really well.

When I first got here, I had a hard time being alone...I was so sick and either my parents or Dusty were always by my side the whole time I was in the ICU. I'm so fortunate that my parents have come to Philadelphia every single weekend, Dusty comes every week depending on his work schedule, and my friends have made a spreadsheet so I can have other visitors throughout the week. Mom even talks to people at home and they come up for the day to be with me. Even if there's nothing to do, I just like having the company.

We are still trying to figure out where to go from here as far as outpatient rehab. We have a meeting Wednesday to discuss the options, so prayers would be appreciated..I pray that the doctors and staff present all the options and that none of us are shy about voicing our concerns or opinions. I want to go to the place with the best program because I want to get better in the fastest way possible, but as time goes on, I just find myself wish more and more that I was home and constantly surrounded by everyone I love. However, we are going to pick the best choice and try to have everyone agree on it.

My friend, Nick, from school came to visit on Thursday evening. I was happy that he brought his Bible and wanted to read a couple things. I've been trying to keep my focus on the Lord through all this and really feel strongly that I'm being used, but I'm struggling more and more as time goes on. I would've thought it'd get easier, but instead, I'm asking God "why?" Questioning God's plan has made me feel really guilty, because I know this isn't my story, it's His and I'm just living it. Nick had a good point by mentioning the book of Job. The whole book has bad things happening to Job and he keeps yelling to God and asking why, but at the end, God says that Job didn't sin. All of that doubt and questioning, and God said it wasn't sinful. This made me feel a lot better. I know now that it is normal to get upset and question His intentions, but I'm also trying to be positive and take everything day by day.

My devotional said: "Leave outcomes up to Me. Follow Me wherever I lead, without worrying about how it will all turn out. Think of your life as an adventure, with Me as your Guide and Companion. Live in the now, concentrating on staying in step with Me. When your path leads to a cliff, be willing to climb it with My help.."

The part that really got me thinking was: "You already know the ultimate destination your journey; your entrance into heaven. So keep your focus on the path just before you, leaving outcomes up to Me.

How crazy is it that we forget about that final destination? I'm so focused on how I want to get out of here and how badly I want my legs to start moving, that I'm forgetting that this life isn't the end. Reading that definitely helped me shift my focus.

"I am pleased with you, My child. Allow yourself to become fully aware of My pleasure shining upon you. You don't have to perform well in order to receive My love...The light of My love shines on you continually, regardless of your feelings or behavior"

I am still confident of this: I will see he goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27: 13-14

November 17 and 18

I worked on managing my legs in both OT and PT on Tuesday. I sat on the edge of the mat and brought my legs up onto the mat and finally into a laying position. I feel like this is getting better the more I do it, but it's still really difficult.

In PT, I got into tall kneel (for only the second time). I could feel the weight through my legs and was told to try to use my ab muscles and keep a good posture. I then did some miniature squats and pushups off the bolster in front of me. Steph said that I should be proud of that session and that I had improved so much since the other time we did this.

We did more transfer work on Wednesday. This is important because it's making me really strong...I'll not one be able to move from one place to another, but also be able to lift myself up to adjust my body and other things on my own.

My favorite part of Wednesday was that I finally got to see the outside! Patients usually only get one outing while at Magee, which is used for manuevering the wheelchair in the streets and other public places. My therapists are letting me have two outings by using the electrical chair in one trip and the manual in the other. Dusty, Tracy, Natalie and I got to do an outing in the electrical chair...We went to Starbucks first and then to the Comcast Center for food. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about being out in public, especially in a busy city in a wheelchair, but it really wasn't as bad as I anticipated. I was able to move around without any problems. (And taking Dusty into Starbucks was amusing for us all..."what do they call a large here?....Largo?")

The therapists kept telling us about how something crazy happens at every trip (like one guy's electrical chair dying halfway into the trip and them having to push him all the way back). Well, now they can add my visit to the list. I was crossing the road and the pavement must've been a little uneven. One of my footplates completely fell off and I didn't really realize what was happening. All I saw was Natalie grabbing my ankle and Dusty yelling at me to stop moving. I'm sure it was quite a show for everyone in their cars.

Dusty and I got to stay in the family room again at night and everyone was still so impressed with how much he was helping with anything I needed...I'm so blessed to have someone like him by my side through all this.

November 16

I used to have the nurses bring my breakfast to me in my room each morning. At first, it was because I absolutely hated how much I struggled to feed myself and how long it took (I'd rather deal with that in the privacy of my own room instead of in the lounge with several other patients). As time went on and I gradually built up strength, I was finally able to feed myself. Like that post a few weeks ago, one day I went into breakfast and one of the workers had to feed me, Then when she asked me if I needed assistance a few days later, I was able to proudly tell her no. I now get excited to make it to the breakfast room each morning. Saying hi to the other patients and seeing if anything is new in their journeys is such a great day to begin the day.

I had OT with Natalie after breakfast. I did all my weighted arm exercises and even upped the weight on a couple machines! We then retested all the previously recorded measurements of grip, pinch, and fine motor skills. Of course, there was more improvement, but I didn't expect it to be as much as it was!

On 10/10, my grip and pinch was 0 in both hands
On 10/23, my grip was 2.3kg in the left and 5.3kg in the right; my pinch was 1.2lbs in the left and 4lbs in the right
On 11/2, my grip was 10kg in the left and 13kg in the right; my pinch was 4lbs in the left and 4lbs in the right
Today, my grip was 14.6kg in the left and 18.6kg in the right; my pinch was 4.67lbs in the left and 7.1lbs in the right

I did the treadmill again today. Not much changed as far as performance goes...we always do the same amount of time, and I was still able to get to where the harness held 10% and I held the rest...but when we focused on posture, 15% was a little bit better. They mentioned maybe trying me on a different machine instead of this specific treadmill from now on. Since I have been doing this every week and I have really flexible joints, they start to worry about hyperextending my joints or something...there's another machine that is like the treadmill, but is robotic. You can program very specific settings and angles in which you want  each joint moved. I haven't seen the machine before, so I'm not 100% sure how it works, but it sounds like it would just be a lot more gentle and precise in the movements it makes...the only problem is that it takes about 10 minutes to set up, and I haven't been able to stand for this long being completely still and not feeling like I'm going to pass out. I guess this will have to be something to work up to.

My friend, Christy Jaye, spent the afternoon and evening with me today. Faith centered heart-to-heart conversations and prayers with her were much needed. She had written me a card a couple weeks ago with some of the best words of advice:

 -Cling to the Lord
-When you feel hopeless, let someone know who will encourage you, pray and help you find your laugh again
-Be patient
-Remember God has a plan for your life
-Know that what you're going through is about what He's doing in other people's lives as well
-Let other people help you (it blesses them)
-Reach out whenever you can
-Ask for prayer
-Escape when you need to (Good movie or book)
-Recognize this is a big deal, grieve, cry, then wipe your tears and get u and fight again. Don't minimize it.
-Never, Never, Never, Never quit
-Remember how many people love you and are praying for you


Her advice and words of wisdom today we just as helpful. I'm so blessed to have people like her and everyone else that has been here each week. I'm still amazed at how willing my friends and family from home are to drive all the way here and how my friends from school find the time between class and clinic to come into the city to see me.

November 14 and 15

This weekend's extra therapy included playing Phase 10 with Tracy and my parents and then the tilt table on Sunday. Phase 10 is one of my favorite card games (I already asked Mom to bring it to our family Thanksgiving celebration in a couple weeks). Tracy made me sit off the back rest of my chair while I played to work on balance and my ab muscles. We timed it and I surprisingly lasted over 25 minutes! (Probably because I was so focused on winning the game, haha).

I like doing the tilt table every weekend because it's easier to see the progress from week to week. My blood pressure problems seem to lessen every time and I feel more comfortable being in a more upright position. The therapist today said they usually only put patients to about 75 degrees, which is about where I've been (any further and you'd have a tendency to learn forward on the able and stress the straps). I was at that 70-75 degree mark for 28 minutes! I kept doing arm exercises to keep my blood pressure normalized and I felt fine. It was definitely the best I've done and the best I've felt.

I was so excited to get a visit from Paige, Brittany and Aubrey Gum on Saturday. I know Philadelphia is a bit away from Winchester, so I consider it such a blessing to have people in my life that will make that trip for me.

Like usual, my parents were here this weekend, making it two of my favorite days out of the whole week (beside whenever Dusty can come throughout the week). I've been having a hard time dealing with my feelings of being homesick...I got sick at the end of August and have been in hospitals ever since. I want to be in the best shape possible before I go home, so I know this is where I need to be, but I've been having a harder time dealing with everything as time goes on. I'm supposed to have about 4 weeks left, but we are asking that the time is pushed back until right before Christmas. I don't really want to be gone from home any longer, but I feel like this is what needs to be done. I've improved so much over the past 5 weeks and who knows what may happen in the next 4-5. If I stay a little longer, I can enjoy Christmas back home and then start outpatient rehab at the beginning of January (wherever we end up deciding to go...that decision is still in the works).

I'm just asking for continued prayers for me to stay focused on why I'm here and to remind myself of all the progress I've made. It's hard taking it day by day and not focusing on how long everything is taking (because it'll never seem fast enough for me).

November 13

Friday the 13th was anything but unlucky for me!  You may not remember how the stim bike works, so I'll try to explain it the best I can again. I pull up to the machine in my chair and my feet go into the pedals. Electrodes are placed on the front and back of my thighs and on my glutes (the muscles used to pedal a bike). The machine turns on and does a two minute warm up by running on a motor. After the warm up, the stim starts to turn on. The stim is as strong as it needs to be in order to match the set speed of the machine (this can be anywhere from 0% to 100% stim). If the electrodes can produce a great enough contraction of the muscles to run the bike, then the motor turns off (that's what you want). It also tells you the power, which I don't really understand, but I took it to mean how much power your muscles are conducting and the higher the number, the better.

Well, today was the best I've done on the stim bike. I went 21 minutes off the motor (which was pretty much the whole time I was on the bike)!! I wasn't even at 100% stim the whole time, either. It's even better if you can get off the motor and not have to use 100% stim. The power the first time I did the bike was 0.2, 0.4 the second time, then 0.9 last week. Today it was 1.7! All I really know is that that number has really increased and this must be good! Steph was so happy about how all it was going that instead of ending our session, she got a few people together to get me to stand because she "wanted to see what was going on with those legs." Instead of needing four people to stand me, it only took 3. One person was on each leg and one person in front. The guy in front said he didn't really even do anything except to help me stand up. Once up, my balance was much better and my posture was amazingly better! The transfer onto the mat before standing was one of my best transfers and Steph said it was also my best stand!

Natalie had to teach and wasn't able to be there, so I had a different therapist named Terry. She had me go from short sitting off the edge of the mat to long sit with my legs in front of me. I then had to lay down (which was easier than before) and she asked me to try to get onto my stomach. I hadn't tried to roll all the way onto my stomach before, but I did it! Once on my stomach, laying like that was more comfortable. It's funny how miserable things are the first time or how hard they are, making me dread ever doing them again. But as soon as I do them the second and third time, I'm already impressed with how much easier everything is.

Friday was made even better by having sushi and a good time with my roommates. I was pretty hard on myself this week and today showed me that things are definitely improving, I'm getting so much stronger, and I have the best people on my side through all this.


"I am Christ in you, the hope of Glory. The One who walks beside you, holding you by your hand, is the same One who lives within you."

November 11 and 12

On Wednesday, I started the day by working on transfers with Steph. They tried to use stim on my lower back to see if it would help with the strength of my transfers. After a couple times with the stim, they tried it without it and decided that I really didn't even need it. I think all it took was me focusing on pushing through my shoulders instead of just trying to use my triceps each time.

We had another group type therapy (like the standing one last week) called a sitting group. It was supposed to work on balance and sitting in a group setting. I was proud to hear the therapists talking about how good my balance was and that I didn't need assistance at the edge of the mat. Of course, Natalie wanted to make it more challenging and had me bring my legs out in front of me, transferring to long sit by myself (and I did it!). We then played a game and had some laughs in the group, making the whole therapy session go by faster. Natalie, Tracy and I left a little bit early to go back to my room and use some of my optometry equipment. It wasn't much, but I got to use my direct ophthalmoscope and transilluminator on them in order to check pupils, eye muscle movement, optic nerve and macula (the center of vision).

That night, Dusty and I got to stay in the family room. There's a room on my floor that is set up like a regular bedroom. There's a tv on the wall, a queen sized bed, and a large bathroom. People are allowed to use the room at night, especially if they're with someone that is going to be a part of the caretaking when the patient gets back home. I was impressed with Dusty's initiative to call my case manager and set this up (but then again, I don't think any of us are that surprised at how amazing he's been through all this). He helped get me ready for bed and did all the weight shifts throughout the night (every two hours, you have to move a pillow from one hip to the other to prevent skin breakdown or bed sores). He then helped me get ready the next morning. I've heard all the nurses tell me about what a good job he did and how lucky I am to have someone that wants to be so involved and how obvious his love for me is.

On Wednesday, I got myself from sitting at the edge of the mat to long sit again by moving my own legs (one inch at a time, which is so frustrating). I got myself to laying down and then back up and sitting at the edge again. It sounds so simple, but it took awhile and completely wiped me out.

In OT, we spent a lot of time trying to set up another electrical chair. I've been happy in the manual chair, but Natalie said we needed to think about what we may order in case I need a chair when I leave. I guess what many people do is order both an electrical chair and a manual (if they can use a manual). It takes the company 3 months to build a personalized chair, so if it isn't needed after those 3 months, you just cancel the order (which I'm praying is what'll happen for me!) But I'm trying this electrical chair in the evenings (when I'm exhausted from using the manual one all day) because it'll be more like the one we'd order, even if the order will hopefully just be cancelled in the long run. Another accomplishment of the day was getting to 47lbs on the rickshaw! (Remember, I did 15lbs with help less than 2 weeks ago?!) Oh, and my friend Kaitlyn from school showed up with Dunkin coffee, which was the perfect afternoon treat!

November 10

"Every moment is precious if you keep your focus on Me. Any day can be a good day, because My Presence permeates all time."

It's words like this that I need to remind myself of daily. 

Tuesday went much better than Monday. The highlight of the day was getting to do something called "the Vector." (I couldn't remember the name, so I just referred to it as "Voldemort" all day long...) If you get a chance, google "Magee Rehabilitation Center Vector Machine" and click on the news story. Theres a track in the hall of the 3rd floor that has a harness attach to the ceiling so patients can walk and not have to be held by therapists on each side. You can program the patient's weight and how much you want the harness to hold (like on the treadmill) to make it harder or easier on the patient. This machine is mostly used by the general rehab patients on the 3rd floor or stroke patients from the 4th floor, but rarely by spinal cord injury patients, so I was really happy that my therapists thought I'd benefit from it. I can't voluntarily move my legs or feet yet, so I wasn't walking on the track. Instead, we used the harness to help with my standing posture and balance. I've only been able to stand for 3 minutes before, but the first stand with the vector, I was up for 4. The next time, I stood for 5 minutes. The next, I stood up for a little bit and then did two sets of 10 squats for a total of 11 minutes! AND, the therapists felt both the left and right quad contract! It wasn't during every squat because it's been inconsistent, but I was glad they felt at least something. And they haven't felt the right before, so this was great news. 

My mail brightened my day even more. I got several cards from people all over: my grandma, friends, people from church, a friend from college (your handwriting is beautiful, Alexis!!), and even a nurse from UVA (who didn't think I'd remember her, but of course I do)!

I ended the day with a close friend from school, who brought me a salad from Cosi because I'd been craving it. As always, it'd nice to be able to sit down and catch up or hear about all that is going on outside these walls.

November 9

"You tend to project yourself mentally into the next day, week, month, year, decade; and you visualize yourself coping badly n those ties. What you are seeing is a false image, because it doesn't include Me. Those gloomy times that you imagine will not come to pass, since My Presence will be with you at all times."

",,,Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Luke 12:26

These are the words that I should've reminded myself of throughout the day. It was such an exhausting day...I did about 4 transfers with different people in OT. Both Natalie and Jackie (the OT I worked with on Sunday) said they had improved since the last time I did a transfer with either of them. I still need to work on helping with the transfer a little more, but I need to not overlook any improvement (which is what I did by the end of the day).

At the end of the session, I got into the manual chair. Some changes had to be made with the seat cushion and the back rest, but it was pretty comfortable by the end. I stayed in the manual chair all day and completely tired myself out.

Rachel surprised me around lunch time and then John and Kelly (friends from home that we know from the vineyard) brought me flowers and Starbucks! Having company and people pointing out my progress was just what I needed.

I had the treadmill again today...we did 20 minutes (in 5 minute increments) and I was still able to have the harness lowered to 10%. We did some squats, but I was a little discouraged when no one really felt much muscle contraction today.

I didn't really do much after the treadmill...I called Dusty and then I called my mom and grandma. I don't know why, but I just started crying when I saw my grandma on FaceTime (she just looked so good and I haven't seen her since UVA when I looked so awful). I think it was the combination of being so exhausted from the day and feeling lonely that I got an overwhelming wave of being homesick. I was feeling discouraged and my arms were so tired that I didn't want to go anywhere or socialize with anyone.

I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I forgot how my day started--Amanda (my speech therapist) stopped in to tell me that I've graduated from speech! One more thing to cross off my list. I also forgot about how well the transfers had gone and lost sight of what an accomplishment it was to be in the manual chair all day. I think I'm going to have to start reading my devotional in the morning and then again at night...it had been so perfect for each day and I think I would've been more comforted by reading those words again.





I finished another art piece today and had a great conversation with my art therapist, Julie. She was just telling me how inspiring I was and that this blog has probably reached a lot of people...the whole point was so that it would reach everyone that has been trying to keep up with changes and progress, but I think it has gone a lot further than that inner circle of close friends and family...I still can't describe how thankful I am for all the prayers and for how many people have brought my name up in prayer before several congregations. I'm going to try to focus on all these blessings tomorrow instead of "shriveling up in the pity pool."

November 7 and 8

I had another great weekend! (It started with breakfast in bed!!) Stephanie got here early and helped me get ready...I'm still amazed by her friendship and willingness to do anything to help me. Mom got here not too long afterwards and the three of us got breakfast. My dad and grandparents got here by lunch time. My grandparents flew in from Florida and I hadn't seen them in a long time. It's unfortunate that these have to be the conditions in which I see them, but I'm glad I'm in much better shape now than I was a month or even two weeks ago.

I had extra therapy sessions again, like usual. For PT, I did the tilt table. For once, I wasn't feeling dizzy at all...usually, I start to feel a little uneasy and then we reach a point where I actually feel like I'm going to pass out and we lower the table down. None of that happened today...I made it all the way to 70 degrees and the only reason we stopped was because we ran out of time. The more I stand, the more my body is getting used to the changes and getting stronger. Like the therapists told me, I'll get more used to the changes as I get stronger and my blood pressure wouldn't be as much of a problem.

We had a little time between PT and OT, so Mom and I were able to go to open art studio. I got to show her the painting I started on Monday and work a little more on it.

For OT, I was on my stomach again and did several arm and shoulder exercises. Natalie and I have done this a few times...the first time, I had to use something called an air splint. It goes over your whole arm and air pumps it up to make sure the elbow doesn't bend. We used this and Natalie had to help me do the exercise. It has gotten a little better each time, but today was by far the best. I did the exercises without help AND had good form (and no air splint)! We finished with the arm bike. Overall, I think it was a pretty successful Sunday of therapy.

On Saturday, my devotional read: "I am working my ways in you...I know what you need, and I have promised to provide all of that--abundantly!"

On Sunday, it said: "Learn to appreciate difficult days. Be stimulated by the challenges you encounter along your way." "Look back on your life and see how I have helped you through difficult days."

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

November 6

Lauren and Regina showed up for my morning PT session (with a pumpkin Dunkin Donut coffee in hand!!) During the session, I was put on my back and helped into long sit position. I then had to try to move my legs off the side of the mat and then align my hips. It was a lot of work and took a long time, but I did it!

I had lots of visitors show up from home after PT! It was such a beautiful day that we actually got to sit outside and talk. They all served as my audience as I cooked gluten free pizza from scratch in rec therapy. I did all of it by myself with the exception of a little mixing. Everyone was excited to see me crack the eggs with one hand (and a video is on Facebook, haha). The pizza turned out so well and people couldn't even tell it was gluten free.

In OT, we worked on more transfers and balance control. I struggle with good posture (which has never been a problem of mine!) Natalie said it's because the muscles in my lower back aren't strong enough yet, so I have a feeling we will be doing these exercises a lot more.

Steph and I spent the rest of the evening sitting in a conference room talking. We ordered Thai food (for the second night in a row) and then I helped her with a school assignment. For 25% of her grade (in OT school right now), she had to interview someone that had recently undergone a big life change (and can you think of a better situation?) She recorded us doing an "interview" and asked about different aspects of daily life, like personal care, hobbies, physical activity, etc. I was to identify areas I struggle with and how important those areas were to me. We decided it would be really interesting to watch the interview again in the future (maybe even by the time I go home in 5 weeks) and see if any of those goals/struggles have been achieved and what was still most important to me.

It has been so nice to have Steph here the last three days. Of course I wish my family could be here all the time, but how lucky am I to have a friend like her that rushes here in the morning, takes care of me all day, keeps me company, and stays late to make sure I'm in bed? Not many people can say their friendship goes all the way back to when they were 2 years old. That's why I think of her more like a sister and these past few days have proven that even more.

November 5

"People tend to think their circumstances determine the quality of their lives. So they pour their energy into trying to control those situations. They feel happy when things are going well, and sad or frustrated when things don't turn out as they'd hoped. They rarely question this correlation between their circumstances and feelings. Yet it is impossible to be content in any and every situation."

"I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go. and I will bring you back to this land." Genesis 28:15

I just said how hard it was to always be happy, and I feel like this was telling me that it's okay to get upset. "It's impossible to be content in any and every situation." God is using me, but I don't have to think this is easy or be happy about it all the time. I'm lucky that He's blessed me with a positive attitude to keep me going while I'm at Magee.

I rode the stim bike again today and saw more improvement! I made it off the motor again and for even more time than last week. My power (or effort from the stim generating enough contraction to pedal the bike and turn the motor off) was 0.2W the first time, 0.4W last week, and 0.9W today...I get a little confused as to what those specific numbers mean, but I know they're doubling each week!

I curled my hair in rec therapy with Tracy (with my curl wand, and that's hard!) At the end of my OT session, I painted my nails...and to be honest, they look great! I can't believe I didn't make any mistakes...it must be all that practice I've had with a paint brush in art therapy, haha.

My youth pastor came to visit in the morning. It was so beautiful outside...Stephanie, Mary and I spent a long time sitting at the tables on the roof, talking about anything and everything. I find it very comforting to talk about my situation and how I'm feeling with someone in a spiritual way. I always walk away from the conversation learning something and being uplifted. I can't wait for Mary to come back and visit.

I had more visitors in the evening- two friends from school (Kaitlyn and Aimee) and my roommate, Annie. We all sat in one of the conference rooms and talked for a long time (while I ate the dark chocolate with sea salt that Kaitlyn brought me). It was the perfect way to end the day.

November 4

One of my roommates, Jenessa, spent the whole morning with me Wednesday. I finally got to show her the roof since we hadn't had time the last few visits. Julie, the art therapist, opened the greenhouse for us and we had free range. She painted a cute wooden jackolantern and I found a wooden sign that said "believe." No one believed I painted it when I got to therapy!

In OT, we worked on those awful pants again. Natalie told me that we needed to come up with a better way to thread the pants over my ankle since just folding myself over my legs would overstretch my back. It took a long time, but I finally pulled my leg up to put the pants over one ankle! I also put a sock on that foot. Last time we tried this, I wasn't able to pull my leg up at all, so we were happy with the little bit of improvement.

In PT, I did the treadmill again. I walk at 50%, meaning the harness is holding 50% of my body weight and I'm holding 50%. After 5 minutes, we take a break and do different things to see if my legs are contracting (they respond better with weight bearing exercises). With the treadmill stopped, I've only been able to have the harness lowered to 35% (with me holding 65%). Well, today, I was able to have it lowered to 10%!!! I was holding 90% of my own body weight and the staff backed off my legs and hips...it was all me! I did lock my knees out though, but it's a good thing I was even able to lock my knees out!

It has been so great to show Stephanie around and catch up. The staff keeps telling me how I always have  people here with me and it's true. I'm so blessed that people are driving 3+ hours from Winchester to visit (sometimes just a day trip, which means 6+ hours in the car!) My friends from school made a spread sheet to help make sure that I always have company. (The nurses and therapists also like to tell me how great Dusty is...I think we all know that by now, haha)

My devotional really helped me start the day off on the right foot...

"Walk peacefully with Me through this day. You are wondering how you will cope with all that is expected of you. You must traverse this day like any other: one step at a time. Instead of mentally rehearsing how you will do this or that, keep your mind on My Presence and on taking the next step. The more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me. This is a training opportunity...challenging times wake you up and amplify your awareness of needing My help."

The Lord replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest." Exodus 33:14

Isn't that perfect?! I'm a pretty emotional person...I can't let my feelings hide and I definitely can't hold it in for very long. Last Friday, when Natalie and I were working so hard on arms and conquering my fear of leaning forward, I started to cry a little bit. After I came forward, it had gotten to be so difficult to push myself back up and I was so exhausted. It wasn't the best way to deal with my frustration at myself, but that's how I handle things sometimes. I wish I had read this that day and reminded myself of those words "the more demanding your day, the more help you can expect from Me.:"

Like I've mentioned, none of this is easy. And sometimes, you just need a good cry. I was feeling guilty for getting upset and frustrated about my situation, but people keep reminding me that it's okay to feel that way. My mom and I have a quote that we have said to each other throughout this whole experience.."it's okay to take a dip in the pity pool, but you have to get out before you shrivel up." (It's something we read a few years ago as we followed one mother's journey through having a very sick baby.)

This passage also helped stressed the importance of taking one step at a time. I can be pretty patient with others, but I'm not as patient with myself. I didn't realize how long it takes to recover from something like this...nerves take time to make connections again and muscles take repetition to gain tone and strength. I'm still not 100% sure about how God is trying to use me throughout this journey, but I'm trying to lean on his word for comfort and guidance.

November 3

Today was such a great day!! Dusty was here the whole time, which is nice because his work schedule is picking up (but that's a good thing!) I've had lots of great visitors- Rachel was here yesterday and Christin came today (both friends from school). I love hearing about what's going on at school and in the lives of the people that I spent every day with before I got sick.

I've also loved all the mail! It's the highlight of my day. I forgot to mention that I got a ton of cards from a Sunday school class at Sacred Heart in Winchester last week. They made me smile so much...I've reread them about 4 times, showing them off to different people, and they still bring me so much joy. The kids must've been told two things: I was sick and I was going to be an eye doctor. The drawings were amazing. No matter what the kids drew or wrote, there were glasses somewhere in the card. I'll post a few pictures. I've gotten many other cards and even a package from Danny and Mary Hardesty. I can't thank you all enough, it makes me so happy when they deliver the mail.

Back to my day...The doctors start coming in around 7:00 every morning. This morning, Dr. Formal said "I hear you want that g tube out of your stomach." I said "yes" and then the new resident took it out right there! Now I just need to get rid of the catheter and I'll have all the tubes and extra things gone from my body.

Natalie from OT and Tracy from rec therapy co-treated today. I laid on my stomach and played wii sports. Dusty laid next to me and played as well...and I beat him in baseball! (Even with him cheating and pitching when I wasn't looking.)

We did a standing group in PT. Everyone that was at the point of standing came. There are usually 3 PTs that help each person (one on the shoulders and one for each leg). We took turns and even played some corn hole! One guy took his first steps (assisted) and it was so incredible. I stood 3 different times and gained time with each. It's harder on the body to stand still, especially after sitting for so long. My blood pressure drops and I start to feel dizzy when that happens. Fortunately, I don't have any trouble with the treadmill because we start moving right away. They told me that it'll get better the more we stand because the muscles with get stronger and gain tone. The big news is that 4 different people felt my left quad working and contracting when we stood!!!

This evening, I went to the greenhouse and planted a plant in the pot that I had painted with Marichris a couple weeks ago. I had gotten so much enjoyment out of having my own little garden, so this was actually really therapeutic and I think I'll have to go back to plant more things.

My friend, Stephanie, is coming Wednesday-the weekend. We were roommates all 4 years at Bridgewater and have been friends since we were 2. She just started OT school and I know she's gonna love Natalie! She hasn't seen me since UVA, so I'm really excited.

November 2

Today, the first thing my nurse did was take off the trach bandage! It's all closed and looks like a belly button to me, haha. The next thing I have my eyes set on is getting this feeding tube out! I asked my doctor and he said I had to talk to my dietician...so I asked her when I saw her in the cafeteria at lunch. She didn't realize it had already been 7 weeks since it was put in (they like at least 6 weeks and I'm past that!) Then the nurse told me later that she heard I was getting it out...so I guess I just have to wait for someone to show up and take it out. I can't wait though....then only the catheter will be left and hopefully I'll see the urologist soon. (I had the vent, oxygen, trach, and picc line all removed already).

My friend, Amy, came from home to visit for the day. I went to church with her family and youth group with her children. It was so great to have her here for the whole day and to catch up. She got me a chalk board with a wooden stand to write my weekly goals on and the book "Glory Days" by Max Lucado. He's a talented Christian author and I look forward to reading the book at the same time as her and discussing it.

In PT, Steph and I worked on transfers and edge of the mat balance. She wrapped a sheet around my back and pulled it to help with trying to keep a better posture. In OT, Natalie reassessed different tests.

On 10/10/15, my grip strength was 0 in L and R. My pinch strength was also 0 in L and R.
On 10/23/15, my grip strength was 2.3lbs in L and 5.3lbs R. My pinch was 1.2lbs in L and 4lbs R.
Today (11/2), my grip strength was 10lbs in L and 13lbs R. My pinch was 4lbs in L and 6lbs R.

So...there was a lot of improvement in a little over a week!!! My fine motor skill test results also improved...we didn't record an actual number the first time, just that they were much lower than the norm.

In rec therapy, I told Tracy that my goals this week were to put my hair in a ponytail and to work on my handwriting. Her and Natalie said my handwriting was perfect and didn't need work (but if you've seen my notes, you'd know that I'm a perfectionist and my current writing doesn't meet my standards, haha). I also put my hair in a ponytail! It wasn't that pretty, though, so my next goal is to make a neat ponytail. My therapists said they have had such a hard time making goals for me because I always achieve them later that day and this was just an example of that happening.

I started a new painting in art therapy, so stay tuned for a picture next week!

October 31 and November 1

I love the weekends and seeing my family! Dad and James didn't arrive until dinner time, but Mom and I were plenty busy. Saturday was my undergrad roommate's (Shannon's) wedding day. I was supposed to be in Roanoke, VA, standing next to her. It broke my heart that I couldn't be there, but I was so touched at the ways she included me on her special day. Mom helped me curl my hair and I did my makeup. I also wore a regular shirt and scarf for the first time in awhile! I looked and felt a little more like myself.

One of my other roommates, Stephanie, FaceTimed me before the ceremony and I got to see Shannon (looking so beautiful!) Stephanie kept me on FaceTime and walked me down the aisle and put the phone on a tripod in the place where I would have been standing. The pastor did a sweet introduction, saying that although I couldn't physically be there, they were happy to still have me present. I got to see Shannon walk down the aisle and listen to the vows. Afterwards, Drew's brother carried the phone into the reception, where I was introduced again. There was also the sweetest message in the program. Needless to say, Mom and I cried many happy tears.

Saturday was relaxing, but I had OT on Sunday. I was happy that Natalie could do my session since it's usually different people on the weekend. We did another transfer out of the chair and onto the mat. We then did more of the leaning forward and side to side drills. I also transferred back into the chair and did the rickshaw machine again. I had started at 15lbs last week (with help), got to 21lbs by the end of the week...today I did 28lbs! I'm definitely getting stronger and I can't believe how fast it's happening.

I had lots of visitors Sunday and really enjoyed hearing all the Halloween stories. The best part of the weekend happened at the very end, though. Mom had watched who knows how many neuro checks when I was at UVA...when she went to leave, she touched my toes. When I said I could feel it, she started seeing what else I could feel. I could tell the different between her nails on my toes and her finger, which toes she was touching, and my knees. All of this was new sensation. Mom and Dad both said they could tell that my big toe was moving when I was trying to move it, but I couldn't really see it...regardless, increased sensation is always a good thing!

October 30

Friday was one of the hardest days of therapy yet. In PT, Steph had me get into tall kneel...they put a big bolster in front of me to hold onto and they held my hips. I was to lean forward, then push myself back, straightening my trunk (basically a kneeling push-up). They used sim to make sure my back was straight when I pushed up, working on my posture. I did well, but it was exhausting. Next, they got me into a manual chair...I didn't do too bad with it, but after the first exercise and about 15 minutes in the manual chair, my arms felt like jello. They're going to slowly introduce me to the manual chair next week, having me get into it a little bit each day. (My arms are going to be jacked at the end of all this! I'm pretty sure my triceps are already bigger than they've ever been!)

OT was also very difficult. I have a fear of leaning too far forward...I don't like seeing the ground getting closer to my face, knowing I wouldn't be able to catch myself. Natalie had me sit at the edge of the mat, feet on the ground, and lean forward onto the bolster. I then had to push myself back up. The next exercise was to lean forward and to the left or right, setting bean bags onto the top of the bolster. The leaning forward and side to side drills were to prepare me for transfers. Right now, when they want to move me, they use a sling that goes under me and attaches to an overhead lift. The next step is to be able to do transfers since it's not like I'd have an overhead lift at home. Well, I did my first tranfser from the mat into the chair at the end of our session! 

Tracy and I made gluten free chocolate chip banana muffins in rec therapy. My arms were so tired and mixing the ingredients didn't help. (Oh, and I cracked the eggs with one hand again, haha). They took a really long time to cook, but it was well worth it!

During my short break for lunch, 7 of my classmates came to visit. There are 3 suites at clinic and different sections...we are all suite 2 section C. Overtime I go to clinic, I'm with the same people. It;s confusing, but anyways, it was my clinic group that came to visit me. It was nice to catch up and laugh like we usually do. I just wish I had more of a break in my day!

My day ended with Mom arriving early! She brought Thai food from my favorite restaurant at home. It was so great to have time alone (eating really good food!) It was the perfect way to end the day.