May 14

I had an appointment with my primary care doctor at home today. It's nice to have a doctor that you can meet with and talk to as a friend and not feel like it's some business arrangement. He knows me well- and I'm not just talking about from a medical standpoint. He asked how I was doing and tears started welling up in my eyes...that's when he asked how often is been crying. It made me think...the answer is: a lot. He said he knew I was probably tired of everyone saying how lucky I am and pointing out how far I've come and he's 100% right. I know it could've been worse and that I'm more fortunate than so many of the people I've met on this journey, but still. Why me? This has been more than a roller coaster of emotions. One day, I'm doing well and being positive and the next, memories and thoughts of how things used to be or what I'd rather be doing with my life right now hit me like a ton of bricks. I feel like everyone is passing me by. My classmates are on rotations and taking boards. My friends are getting married, having kids, or buying houses. The other patients in rehab are on their feet and literally walking away from therapy. And there's nothing I can do to speed up this recovery. I know neuro recovery and neuro Genesis is happening because I'm still seeing weekly improvement, but it's so hard to appreciate the improvement when it's small and when I'd rather be doing ANYTHING but this. 

I've lived in Philadelphia for three years and have been in Baltimore since February and it's made me even more aware of how much I love Winchester...how this little town will always be my home. Just today, we went through the cvs drive thru to pick up my prescription and the sweet girl at the window said "I know I don't know you, but my mom prays for you everyday with her bible study group." It was really sweet and meant a lot to me that people are still keeping me in their prayers. I feel like I need it even more now because each day is a battle to try to stay positive. I know, it's a strange thought- me of all people having to work so hard to be positive and smile. I'm just tired of working so hard for such small gains. I've always prayed for patience, but the patience I needed before is no comparison to what I need now.