June 27

It's almost July, which means it's almost my birthday month. James' birthday is the 3rd and mine isn't until the 30th, so I always say that he gets the first three days and then the rest is my month, haha. I'd like to say that I don't really care about birthdays, and in part, I don't. I never really do anything special for it, I just like to constantly remind Dusty when it's approaching. It's not like I really want anyone to do anything for me...I just look at it as a reason to celebrate. That being said, I'll be 25 in a little over a month. I know it isn't really a big deal, but it is a quarter century. And 25 sounds like a good number to celebrate. It's a milestone. A memorable number. It makes me emotional to think about though. I thought 25 would look a lot different than this. Heck, I thought 24 would look a lot different than this. I feel like time is flying by, yet going so slow. It's crazy to think that I got sick a little less than a year ago when it feels like just last weekend, Dusty and I were up and down the road going to several summer weddings and other little trips here and there. But then when I think about the date and everything we've all been through, it feels like it's been forever, like certain things shouldn't take this long. I should be back to 100% already in my mind. The doctors said I should get everything back and that it might take a year, which at the time seemed absurd. I always achieve my goals in a timely fashion or faster than expected, so I didn't think this would be any different. I'm not used to being this wrong! Now it's almost been a year and I feel like I'm only halfway through my recovery, if even.  I know I'm making gains all the time, but I'm also reminded of how far I still have to go. I know I'm not supposed to think like that. My friend Molly told me to remember how less than a year ago, I was breaths away from dying. Dying. It sounds so dramatic and I still can't wrap my head around it. It's almost like since I don't really remember it, then it's not as bad as everyone says. I feel like it'd be so easy to motivate people and have them put things into perspective if I was on the other side of things. But I'm not. I'm on the crappy side. The side that needs the constant reminders and motivation. 

Tonight, I found some motivation in an acquaintance...not really a friend or even anyone I know very well. She sent me a message saying how she sells LuLaRoe clothing and how the company encourages giving back...some consultants do this in the form of giving away something free now and then, but she wanted to make a difference. And how amazing is it that she wanted to make a difference for me? We're going to be in contact about promoting an event, but it'll likely be in August. And she wants to spread the word to that community and try to get even more help from other consultants. It was such a nice gesture. She reminded me of how many people are rooting for me and gave me some words of encouragement. It meant a lot. Just to know people are thinking about you and cheering you on from afar, even when it's someone you hardly know or believed wouldn't think twice about you is touching. I think I needed to be reminded of that tonight.