June 14

My friend, Kristen, shared this quote: 

"When we have "I don't know why" situations in life, we have to make the hard choice to settle our mind with what we do know. Otherwise, the "I don't know why's" will sweep us away into treacherous currents of doubt.

So, I grab hold of what I do know.

I do know that my God is a God of protection. His love for me and you is so consuming, He can only have my best interest in mind.

I do know that my God is a God of provision. God's plans for me are good even when they don't align with mine. He will provide but probably not in the way I would expect.

I do know that my God is a God of process. God's process to develop my character to match my calling might include me having to learn to let go of something I treasure or my hopes and dreams to replace them with His. 

So, that's where I park my mind, my emotions, and my trust. It's a place I can wad up my run away emotions and hand them over to my perfectly capable and all-knowing God :)."

Isn't that amazing? Life is so full of uncertainty that all we can really cling to is what we do know. I know God has my best interest in mind and His plans are far better than mine. My whole life, I've been a planner and always knew what the next step was. Always had a game plan. It took something so earth shattering to snap me out of that and remember that it isn't about my plans and what I want. He's shaping me into the person I'm meant to be. It's a sucky process, I'll admit it. But imagine the compassion I'll be able to offer my patients and others in the future. I mean, I thought I was able to empathize with people a year ago, but now? There's no comparison. 

I had a meeting with Dr. Sobelman this morning and he asked how I was. I said good..and actually meant it. But he asked me why- what was good? I listed like four different things, including finally getting my letter off to school. I said how happy I was about that because I feel like my whole life I've been known as the smart girl that wanted to be an eye doctor. Not just because I'm smart and knew what I wanted to do, but because I've worked my butt off. I hate that since I got sick, people see me more for my illness or my wheelchair. Like I mentioned before, I feel like people think that since I'm physically on a different level, I might also be mentally on a different level and that isn't true at all. That's why I'm so looking forward to working something out with school and being "looked up to" and respected like that again. 

I didn't have any scheduled therapy today, but it was a busy day. We had a cookout at the house we're staying at. So many people are here from out of town (like way out of town- Alaska, Alabama, Ohio, etc) and they haven't been home in months. Something as simple as a burger on the grill can bring so much happiness. There's a woman here, Stacie, from Alabama who adopted a girl from China, Jin. She's 11, but had polio when she was a baby. She was also left laying in a crib at an orphanage for years with her legs in such a position that it disfigured her hip. They've been here for a few months already because Jin has had to undergo both knee and hip surgery and she stood on her feet for the first time this week. (And we had them look into KKI, so she has an evaluation coming up there!) Jin is so upset she isn't home with her friends for the summer and all she wanted was a grilled hotdog, so that's how we decided to have a cookout. It was good food, but even better company because everyone got a chance to get together and talk in one place. This place has become our home and these people are becoming like our family. 

I had my personal training appointment with Vickie this afternoon and loved it! She was a trainer for the 76ers and while she loved being able to work with such a big organization, she didn't feel like she was making enough of an impact. We went over some of my goals and took various measurements so we could track my progress. We then did a short workout that included a lot of sit-ups and ab exercises and some boxing. I told her that during my assessment on Thursday, I wasn't able to lay on my back and sit-up without using my arms. She thought I could do it and made me hold a 6lb medicine ball to help. It was actually fairly easy with the ball, so she had me go down to a 2lb one...and I could still do it! It's funny how I'm constantly surprising even myself with what I'm able to do...and things are constantly changing. I'm discovering different abilities on a weekly (and sometimes even daily!!) basis.

Speaking of new abilities....I discovered today that I can kick my left leg! It's easier if it's unweighted and kind of dangling, like from my chair or off the edge of the bed. And it fatigues out, but I can do it! What's funny is that by the end of the day, I was even able to do it with my right leg a little bit. It's crazy how fast things like that are changing. I can't wait to show Dennis tomorrow! He was excited about the reassessment last week and this is way bigger than the movement I showed then!