May 1

I've been so busy! This weekend was Apple Blossom...an actual holiday in Winchester. The city literally shuts down...businesses close, schools get the  Friday off, and roads are blocked off. Two of my friends from optometry school came to visit with their boyfriends. Unfortunately, the weather was the worst it's been since I don't remember when for Apple Blossom. We went downtown and saw a little bit of the parade and some of the festivities, but didn't stay too long. We figured it was cheaper to go back to my house and all we really cared about was being together and catching up. 

We ended up watching the Capitals game and playing a marathon game of phase ten...and didn't even end up finishing! We tried different wines, told stories, and laughed a lot. It was great. It's so hard though...I love catching up with friends and seeing everyone, but it makes me sad at the same time. I find myself thinking about all I could be doing instead and a little jealous of what everyone else gets to do...but I think what's worse is all the memories. I start thinking about how things used to be and how it all just ended. It's like when someone leaves and you never get the chance to say goodbye. It leaves you feeling unsettled. That's how I feel everyday. There's always something that triggers a memory and has me thinking about "how things used to be." It can be anything- something someone says, something I read, something I find- like my flip flops or exercise watch. Those were the two most recent items to bring back floods of emotions. Anytime the weather is nice, all I can think about is how perfect it'd be to go for a run or take the dogs on a walk. Dusty and I would go to the park and run together whenever it was nice enough. Right before I got sick, we tried out this one trail...I struggled a little bit, so we talked about going back until it got easier and then hopefully going further and exploring more of the trail ahead. Now he goes without me...he says we can do it together and I can get an arm workout, but it's just not the same.

The flip flops made me emotional because I obviously haven't worn them since August. I don't get to wear the shoes I want because they may not stay on well, don't provide good support or make my ankles swell. I find myself online looking at shoes pretty often actually...it's funny, but I like looking and having that as one of my goals- trying to decide which pair I'm going to treat myself to first once I get back on my feet. Who would've thought the type of shoes you wore was something you'd take for granted? I think I'm going to start making a list of things that I used to take for granted or that people may not realize they take for granted. I'll post them in my blog as they're brought to my attention and hopefully one day I'll be able to look back with more gratitude for everything, even the small things like what shoes are on my feet.