January 18

Every morning, my shuttle driver, Herb, and I listen to KLove Christian contemporary radio. Monday's always suck more than the rest of the week, but my devotional really spoke to me this morning and my favorite song came on the radio. It's chorus is: 

"When you're on your knees and answers seem so far away,

You're not alone, stop holding on and just be held

Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place,

I'm on the throne, stop holding on and just be held"

It's been a song I've listened to a lot these past few months. My favorite part is "if your eyes are on the storm, you'll wonder if I love you still,

But if your eyes are on the cross, you'll know I always have and I always will"

I spent a lot of time asking "why me" and wondering if God was testing me somehow. I spent so much time trying to figure out the reasoning behind all of these events instead of just letting them teach me and grow my faith. It was hard not to question how loved I was because how could this happen to me when God loves me? But those lyrics remind me that although we live in a broken world where bad things happen, if I focus on what Jesus did for me on the cross, I'll be reminded of how loved I am and how much good has come from these past few months. I just find so much comfort in this song and knowing that no matter what, even if I'm constantly questioning why things have turned out this way, I will always be loved. 

It's easier said than done...trust in the Lord and the blessings will "far outweigh" the trials. And trusting Him, especially when things go wrong is even harder. I long to have faith that doesn't falter when the path gets rocky, but I'm learning that God isn't holding that against me. This is such a learning experience from all angles, but most importantly, for my faith and relationship with Christ. 

Im loving day rehab... I love ending the day tired and knowing that I've worked really hard. Today, I did the treadmill, stim bike, glider, and standing. I love how tired my legs feel! Nothing dramatic is happening, but I know I'm improving little by little each day. I pray daily for patience and the ability to trust wholeheartedly. I've come a long way, but it's never going to be easy. I'm learning so much about myself, my faith, my Savior, and the world around me and for that I'm thankful. I look forward to each day and the relationships I've been able to build, like with Herb, my shuttle driver.