December 29-31

Happy New Year's Eve! I'm so happy to be home for Christmas and New Years...I don't know if I could've handled it if I wasn't. I can't stop thinking about all the people at Magee and praying that they're with loved ones. 

The last few days have been filled with more holiday parties and going to the gym. Being in the therapy pool is one of the best things I could be doing while home, I'm so glad we thought about it! The doctors and therapists think all the nerves and everything are intact, I just need to build enough muscle to make bigger movements and I think the pool exercises are already helping. On Tuesday, I could lay on my back (with a water noodle holding up my head) and kick my legs. The movement was so small that Dusty didn't really believe Mom and me. Movement was already increased by Wednesday when Steph joined mom and me. I was hanging onto their necks and kicking my legs out behind me. I also found it way easier to stand in the water (with one person standing in each foot and a hand keeping my knees straight). I was able to focus on my posture; bringing my hips forward and tucking my abs in). Today, my friend Leslie (who's a PT) joined my parents ant I at the gym and I swear, there's more movement than there was on Tuesday! She asked if I could bring my thighs together and apart...I hadn't tried in the water, but surprised even myself, that I could do it! I spend hours in the pool and then the added bonus is an even hotter shower before going home. Every single day seems to bring something new and it's so rewarding to see my hard work paying off.

Tonight, my roommate and her boyfriend (Annie and Matt) came to Virginia to bring in the New Year with Dusty, me and my family. We made a ton of really good food and enjoyed being together, watching the New Years special on tv.

December 28

I can't get over how nice it is to be home! My family and friends of ours spent the whole afternoon at a vineyard yesterday (of course we had to go to one within the first week I was home! I even made sure to discontinue a few meds before leaving Magee to ensure I could have wine, haha). It was so beautiful outside and sitting on a porch with wine, food and good company is one of my favorite things to do. 

My dad, brother and dusty weren't home this morning, so it was just mom getting me out of bed (a bit of a challenge because the bed is up higher and it was just the two of us). But we did so well! Steph showed up just in time to serve as a second person to make sure I got a shower. I'm sleeping in my parent's master bedroom since it's easiest to get in that doorway in my chair, but it doesn't fit into any of the bathrooms either. The best way to get into the bathroom is by getting on a rolling desk chair and using our hall bathroom. It obviously takes two people since the chair is on wheels and I was so thankful Steph could be there because I feel so disgusting in the mornings from the night sweats (another great component of spinal cord injuries). 

My friend, Shannon, drove from Roanoke to spend the day with me. We didn't really do much, but it was great to relax and catch up. She's the friend whose wedding I was in via FaceTime while at Magee. She brought her wedding photos and it was so funny to see everyone holding up the phone with my face on the screen. My mom swears that Shannon's wedding was a major turning point in my recovery...it was then that I started really taking care of myself more on my own; doing my hair, wearing makeup, and really just looking/feeling more like myself. For that I'll always be thankful..it broke my heart not to be physically standing beside her on her wedding day and I still can't believe how included I felt from so many miles away. Today, Shannon came with lots of goodies- the wedding favors (cute mason jars and homemade soaps), my monogrammed robe from being in the bridal party, and the most thoughtful shadow box. She dried out the bouquet I would've carried and printed out several pictures of me being included in her special day. I was so touched. I can't wait to visit her after much more therapy and go out together- me in my bridesmaid dress and her in her wedding dress.

Steph, Shannon and I had a great day- just like in our D10 apartment at Bridgewater College. 

I'm looking forward to tomorrow because I'm going to my gym for the first time in forever and going to try out the therapy pool! They have a chair and ramp I can use and I've read a lot about how good it is for range of motion and detecting muscle movement in an anti gravity environment (plus it's warm water and I'm going to LOVE it!!) Wish me luck!

December 27

I haven't been on the computer since I got home... There's been a lot of chaos with Christmas and adjusting to being home (but the best kind of chaos!) instead of going back and recounting the 22-26, I'm going to go a little out of order. I just got out of church...being back at church for the first time in over four months was something Dusty really pushed for. It's funny because it was always me pushing for us to attend church. There's just something about being in a place filled with others and worshipping the Lord. Singing and praising in a setting like that never seizes to give me goosebumps and bring tears to my eyes. It's one place that I 100% feel God's presence. But anyways, Dusty knew how much going to church meant to me...listening to sermons online or my Christian contemporary Pandora station just isn't the same. So, this morning, my family and I went to church. There's a lot that has to be done in the mornings for me to get out of the house, but for the first time EVER, mom said we needed to leave the house by 10:00, and all of us were in the car and pulling out of the driveway right at 10:00. 

Last week, Proverbs 3:5-6 appeared in my devotional and I was talking about how Christy Jaye had pointed that verse out to me years ago. It's one part of scripture that I can recite by heart. Today's sermon was on that very verse. Coincidence? I don't think so. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, 

Lean not on your own understanding,

But in all your ways acknowledge Him

And He will make your paths straight"

The sermon was about finding God at the intersection of life and faith. As we get older, it sometimes becomes increasingly difficult to trust people. God not only wants us to trust Him, but to trust Him with all our hearts...a phrase that means to trust with absolutely everything. Do we though? If God asks us to do something, will we?? It's not easy...it never has been to trust completely. And this whole experience has tested me far more than I could've ever imagined. I'm trying to trust God with my whole heart, because I know He's trying to use me for His glory right now and that this experience is not only teaching and growing me, but also those around me. The pastor even said that God may ask us to do things we may not want to do, but the people around us will be blessed...this definitely isn't something I want to do, but I not only pray that others are being blessed, I'm actually witnessing it. We may not know His will, but we are doing it as long as we are trusting and loving Him. 

A couple other things that stuck with me were when the pastor reminded us that Jesus gave everything for us so that we could share His love with others. He prayed for the upcoming year and said that God isn't done with us, but that we should understand that it may take sacrifice...I believe it's taking a lot of sacrifices, but I find comfort in the fact that it is His will. 

One of the songs the band played said "I'm coming back to the heart of worship and it's all about You...I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it when it's all about you." That's got me thinking...so often we make things about us, especially when praying and talking to God. I think the reason I find going to church and singing those songs so powerful is because it is all about Him in those moments.

I'm so thankful for today and that although Dusty couldn't make it to church, he kept pressing for me to go. I think it was just what I needed. I'm looking forward to many more Sunday mornings at home before weeks filled with intense rehab in Philly...I hope every Sunday leaves me feeling as refreshed and reminded of all God has done for me and that He isn't done with me yet.

December 17-21

What a week!! I've been so busy getting ready to go home that I haven't had any time to update the blog...and people started asking what was wrong or where I was! With the holidays quickly approaching, Magee has gotten pretty busy and many people are trying to get home sooner rather than later. My friends Greg and Lenny both left this week, so I was glad to have many visitors since the dining hall would be much quieter without them. The other day at breakfast, my friend Regina got upset about everyone leaving. She is a middle aged Indonesian woman who is always smiling, but when people started talking about me going home, she said "no Greg, no Lenny, no Kelly...." and started crying. It broke my heart! I thought she was upset because she wasn't going home for Christmas, but she later told my mom that she was sad because all her friends were leaving. I'm looking forward to coming back and visiting though.

That brings me to an update on outpatient rehab--I'll be starting at Magee's outpatient facility on January 6. That means I'll have two weeks at home to figure everything out and work through a new routine. I have lots of exercise programs and am looking forward to using the standing frame that Dusty made. We just found  out that the new insurance doesn't count the day rehab I'll be receiving as my therapy days...basically, I get so many days of outpatient therapy and we're fortunate enough that the time I spend doing Magee's outpatient program won't count as any of those days--that means more therapy for me! I'll start off with at least 3 weeks and then they'll re-evaluate it. When I'm done there, I'll be able to transition to Kennedy-Kreiger in Baltimore for more therapy.

I got to try out the Lokomat this week, which is the robotic treadmill I had talked about. I couldn't try it before because my blood pressure wasn't stable enough to stand statically while the machine was set up (it usually takes about 10 minutes and I wasn't able to stand that long before). The Lokomat was great--I joked that I was dressed up as a storm trooper in honor of the premier of Star Wars, haha.

Saturday and Sunday were filled with family training- lots of transfers! We were relieved that the car transfer was fairly easy and we didn't have much trouble with moving up or down the stairs either.

My last post mentioned how I'd gotten the catheter out and was self cathing every 6 hours. I also said that bladder control is usually the last thing patients with a spinal cord injury get back. Somehow I've had bladder control this week! I only had to cath the first two days and then I was able to go on my own...I can even tell when I need to go sometimes. The nurses and staff are really impressed and can't believe I've gotten that ability back, especially since that function is lowest on the spinal cord. This is even more proof that the leg function and nerves are all there and intact, the muscles just need to become stronger in order to produce larger movements.

I was able to stand in a standing frame during therapy for 20 minutes and then again for 25 minutes yesterday...for once my posture was straight and I was able to lift one hand at a time. This morning, I did my morning routine with Natalie as part of my discharge. This included a shower, dressing, and the rest of getting ready (hair, makeup, etc.). Everything went really well and literally the only thing I need help with is getting my pants on all the way- I'm hoping this will be easier when I'm home with a bigger bed...I'll have way more room than in these little hospital beds.

They re-evaluated some of my arm motility and most motions are 100% recovered! I did the stim bike one last time and learned how to set everything up myself so that I can do it on my own time at the outpatient place. The last thing I did was make one last dish with Tracy--gluten free mac and cheese!

It's sad saying goodbye to everyone, but I'm looking forward to visiting while I'm in outpatient rehab. People I don't even know are coming up to me and saying they heard I was leaving and wishing me luck...and some of my nurses and other staff is crying when they say goodbye. I already know that tomorrow is going to filled with more emotional goodbyes, but I can't wait to be home in less than 24 hours!

December 15 and 16

This week is going by so fast and it has been so great! Tuesday morning started with someone bringing me my yellow ribbon for my wheelchair...whenever someone is getting ready to go home, they put a yellow ribbon on their chair so that everyone knows it. So many people have been coming up to me and asking when I'm leaving or taking the time to wish me luck and say goodbye. The morning also started with getting the indwelling catheter removed. I haven't mentioned it in awhile, but one of the complications with spinal cord injuries is bladder dysfunction. Actually, one of the first things I had problems with was urinary retention (which unfortunately may mean it'll be one of the last things I get back). Anyways, I got the catheter removed and have been self cathing without any problems.

Dusty and I practiced transfers from every surface imaginable- a couch, a recliner, a bed, and his car. It's difficult going from a hard to soft surface or vice versa and also from different heights, but he's really strong and everyone was impressed with how well we did on everything.

I live in a split foyer, so there may be some trouble getting in and out of the house. We will probably just bump up the stairs to get inside, but this requires two people. Dusty was worried about being able to get out of the house just the two of us and asked the therapists to teach him how to do this. He just kept saying that I'd been in the hospital for four months and about all the places and things he wanted us to do. It was sweet how concerned he was and how much he wanted to learn and help with everything. I really shouldn't be surprised because he's been like this the whole time I've been sick, but just the way he's taken initiative and asked all the right questions and really taken control in order to take care of me is amazing. Everyone around here knows who I am, but they also know him. I'm constantly being told how amazing he is and I just feel so lucky to have someone so caring by my side through all this.

Two things I've been terrified of for the past month were wheelies and floor transfers. I'd seen a bunch of guys practice these in the gym and I've been dreading them ever since. It makes sense to practice how you'd get up off the floor if I ever fell or needed help up, but I jokingly just told my therapists that I'd just cry if that ever happened to me. (I really would cry though...I've been tearing up every time anyone even mentions floor transfers!) The floor transfer actually went really well and I had fun doing the wheelies. That doesn't mean I ever want to end up on the floor...and I'm not looking forward to ever having to do a wheelie in order to get over curbs by myself, but I am relieved that neither of them were nearly as bad as I'd thought they'd be.

Dusty and I visited Magee's outpatient rehab, the Riverfront, on Wednesday. They offer something called day rehab that is Monday-Friday, 9:00-3:00. We rode the shuttle there and it was the first time I've been in a vehicle since the 5 hour ambulance ride from UVA to Philadelphia...and that was absolutely miserable on a stretcher. I forgot how much I enjoyed car rides. We were really impressed with the set up of the place and everyone was really friendly. They also have a lot of really nice equipment, including the treadmill I've been using and stim bikes.

Stephanie, my friend from home, came Wednesday night. She got here just in time to see us try out the standing frame again. Dusty hadn't seen it before and wanted to know how to help stand me up in it. He also decided that he was going to go home and build one...he even asked if I'd like it to be pink, haha. It was easier to say goodbye to Dusty since I knew the next time I'd see him was less than a week away and would be at HOME.

December 14

It's my last full week of rehab at Magee! The staff keeps joking about locking me in the basement and not letting me leave. I just keep thinking about how wonderful it's going to be to walk back in here and see everyone again.

Natalie asked me what I wanted to work on this week and I don't even know where to start...I've come so far, but there's still so much to work on. She said we didn't have to get on all 4's or do tall kneel since I did it just the other day, but I thought it'd be good to do it. It's definitely not my favorite thing to do, but getting that much weight through my legs is making a difference...I mean, my leg moved on Friday after doing it! We got into tall kneel and I worked on my posture. I keep sticking my right hip out to the side instead of being completely centered in that position. It's hard to tell if I'm aligned or not since I don't have complete sensation from the hips down. I'm hoping that improves a little more throughout the week. This morning was the first time I was able to manage my legs and get them up onto the mat (with my shoes on- which is way harder!). I then crossed my legs, laid down, and got onto my stomach for some arm strengthening exercises. We've done this many ties, but I usually need some help and it takes about 3x longer than it did this morning. What a way to start a Monday morning!

Two of my "moms" from home came to visit, Amy and Christy. They've driven from Winchester to see me before, but it was even better to have them come together. After lunch, we went upstairs to the roof and just sat there talking since it was so nice out. The sun wasn't even shining because of how many clouds were in the sky and it was still comfortable. We totally lost track of time and before we knew it, the clock said 2:40...10 minutes after I was supposed to be in therapy! As soon as we got inside, I heard "will the patient from room 567 bed 2 report to the 5th floor gym." I'd just made the comment that my nurses are usually looking for me, but I've never been paged over the intercom...well, now I have.

I did the treadmill during my PT session and Steph said that my legs feel different every single time we do it. She said that everything is there- the muscles are working, there just needs to be enough tone and strength to make larger contractions that will eventually produce a larger movement.

Steph and Natalie were at a conference last Thursday and Friday about stim. They said it was like another sign from God that so many of the therapists at the conference were from Kennedy-Krieger. They were learning about how to analyze stim results and even brought up my data and said it looked really good.

I got into the chair that I'm supposed to take home next week. The vendors try to find a chair closest to the one I've been using, but it's never quite as nice and lightweight. The chair was okay...it's a  little higher up and harder to push, but it was comfortable. We have to make a few adjustments to it, but hopefully I'll get back in it soon and be able to get used to it before I go home.

Dusty got here around dinner time. This was the longest we hadn't seen each other, but we made it! The nurses let him stay in my room last night and we pushed the two hospital beds together. There are the little tvs that swing out from the wall and can be moved in front of you in bed. It was so funny to me that we were in hospital beds with those tvs on each side of us with the Monday night football game. How romantic, haha.

I've been relying more of God these past few days and so many of my worries and concerns have been lifted. Proverbs 3:6 is one of my favorite verses and it's so appropriate. Acknowledge Him and he will make your paths straight. I mean, how lucky am I that I haven't hit a single plateau throughout my whole time at Magee? I've had things I've struggled with and I haven't accomplished everything on the first try, but there has been something positive every single day.

I also found it interesting that Proverbs was the verse used today... I vividly remember being at YoungLife camp with Christy (who came to visit today). I was a leader for a middle school group when I was a senior in high school. I remember being at camp and in the leader clubhouse and asking her what her favorite verse was. She said " Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." That verse has really stuck with me ever since then and it made me smile that it was in my devotional on the day she was visiting.

December 12 and 13

I  had therapy both days over the weekend. On Saturday, the focus was mainly on making sure my parents were comfortable with transfers. The therapist also showed us some different exercises and stretches we can do on our own at home. We were supposed to do transfers again on Sunday, but asked the therapist if we could do some more work with my legs since the transfers had gone so well the day before. She stretched out my lower body and accessed my ability to initiate movements like straightening or bending my leg. She said she could definitely feel and see the muscles triggering, so we were excited about that. At the end of the session, two of the therapists helped me to stand. There was someone on each leg and then my dad stood in front in case I needed some help straightening up all the way. I definitely needed more help the first two times we stood, but the third time was the best. They didn't feel like they even helped that much and could really feel my legs kicking in and helping! My dad didn't even help with the last stand. For once, my hips were aligned with my shoulders and my back wasn't arched. I was excited because the last couple times I stood didn't feel that great, I felt like I was relying completely on the people helping and I didn't have very good posture. One of my doctors came in during that last stand and said he could even see my leg muscles working!

We were so thankful for the amazing weather. It's hard to believe it's December with the temperatures in the 60s and 70s! My parents and I spent a lot of time outside, just enjoying each other's company and the sunshine. 

I forgot to mention that Tracy brought me a gluten free bagel on Friday- which was to die for! I can't even remember the last time I had a bagel and they're my favorite! We were surprised that the bagel truck was still there during our outing because we had heard they left at 9am (which is why she stopped and got me one before work). I got mom and I each a bagel and we enjoyed them on Saturday morning. It's the little things, haha. 

The sweetest group of children came through on Saturday and asked if they could sing me Christmas carols. A man who was a patient 32 years ago had brought his wife and her whole class to Magee for caroling. They were so adorable and it took everything I had not to cry (I cry at everything, so holding it in was a big deal for me, haha.) Before they left, they gave me a gingerbread Christmas ornament. I can't wait to get home and put it on our tree. 

I got to meet Greg's daughter, Isabelle, on Saturday afternoon. She was so enthusiastic and seemed so much more mature for her age. I was so impressed with how well she got around on her own. I've heard so much about her from Greg, so it was great to finally meet her. (I mentioned in another post how Greg is my neighbor. His daughter is 11 and she is legally blind). 

I am being taken care of...that's the best feeling. When you trust in God and really cast all your problems or anxiety on Him, a sense of peace is reached. God already knows what I'm thinking before I even ask. I've always said to live by faith, not by sight, but difficult times really put that to the test. I so often want to do things my own way. It's a constant battle trying to surrender and let God take the reigns instead of myself.

I don't like being alone too often. Fortunately, there have been very few instances when I've been by myself throughout this whole journey. However, I am able to have quiet time during the mornings or when I get into bed. It's actually nice to have this built into my schedule. Spending that time reading my devotional, looking up the bible verses and praying has really strengthened my faith and made me into a stronger, more faithful person.

December 11

I don't know if the days are getting better or if my mood is even more uplifted by having a countdown until I go home. Things have been going really great, so I'm glad to end my stay at Magee on a positive note.

My ability to regulate temperature is still very inaccurate. I'm constantly cold (but that's nothing new) and sweaty. It's the worst combination! We've tried several different medications without too much luck, but I just keep reminding myself that this is just part of the healing process. It may take awhile to get under control, but at least that means my body is trying to heal itself. I went on another outing on Friday morning. This weather has been unbelievable! I was worried I'd be too cold, especially since we went out at 9:00am, but it was absolutely gorgeous! I was in my manual chair and went about 3 blocks to LOVE park, to the other side of it because that's where the ramp is, and then went around Christmas village, taking in all the Christmas decorations. Of course, I had to get a picture in front of the LOVE statue and I needed to stop for coffee before we headed back. My first outing in the manual chair went well, but I could still tell a big difference in how much stronger I was. I didn't have as much trouble going up the larger curb cuts with bigger inclines. I also didn't feel as tired, so my arms much be getting even stronger! I've always lifted weights at the gym, but my arms (especially the triceps) may be stronger than they've ever been.

It's still just so hard to believe that when I got to Magee on October 8, the only motion I had was a little finger twitch. I couldn't even hold up my own head and my vocal cords were still paralyzed.

I did some more work on all 4s in OT. It's not really my favorite thing to do, but it really helps put weight through my legs and helps to engage my glutes and abs.

I kind of knew my friends were up to something, but I had no idea how many of them were going to come! Lauren made the best gluten free coconut macaroons, Marie made my favorite pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and even made them gluten free, and Janae and Jenessa brought buffalo chicken dip (because that's necessary at any party!) Oh, and they also brought Starbucks and presents!! Robin, the concierge that works here, opened up a big conference room for us and we sat in there eating and telling stories. I was sitting there trying to squeeze my thighs in and out (like I usually do), and I swear the movement was more obvious than it has been. I went to ask Marie if she saw it when Christin asked "are you doing that?!" from across the room. Well, that got everyone's attention and a few of us just started crying. I was so thankful to share that moment with all of them.

When all my friends left, I went downstairs to the dining hall. I shared that story with the other patients downstairs and with Robin (who even started crying). This was what I'd been praying for! I just wanted some more movement before I went home for Christmas. We all know how much just a week of therapy can make, so I'm excited to see what will come of the next 11 days!

Patience has been one of the many struggles throughout this process. I can't even count how many times God has told me to be patient...I don't always listen, but here it is again. He said to accept His time frame and that hurry isn't in His nature. I think God knows that I need to hear this over and over again. He knew how frustrated I was getting that I didn't have more obvious movement in my legs and then let that special moment today. I'm just so amazed at how many answered prayers there have been on a daily basis.

December 10

My brother, his girlfriend (Jessica), and his girlfriend's sister (Emily) all came to visit today. I haven't seen Jessica since I got sick because she left for Spain to study abroad right before everything happened. Jessica was so sweet and brought me several presents back from her trip-- Belgian chocolate, the most adorable elephant figurine from Spain, a corkscrew magnet, and a coffee mug filled with hot cocoa mix.

It was such a great day. I started the morning with the stim bike and that went pretty well. It's one of my favorite things I do in therapy, so I'm crossing my fingers that we'll be able to get a hold of one for the house or at least have access to one when I go home.

We made ornaments for the Christmas tree in the gym during OT and did some more work with transfers. The rest of the day was spent exploring Magee and me beating everyone in Phase 10, haha. Mom sent the best lunch-- leftover steak and shrimp and then treated us to Thai food for dinner. Thank goodness I don't have to deal with all those diet restrictions like in the beginning of my rehab when I still had the trach and everything.

My aunt and grandma sent gluten free sugar cookies, icing, and sprinkles so that we could spend some time decorating cookies. We didn't make too many pretty cookies, but we put them all on a tray and James pushed me around the cafeteria and around the 5th floor so I could ask everyone if they wanted one. I loved seeing everyone get excited about which cookie they were going to pick out...it was like spreading a little holiday cheer :)

My world definitely feels unsteady and the troubles have 100% made me more dependent on God and  aware of His presence. It's a strange thought to consider it joyful when you face trouble, but when the end result is a closer relationship with the One who created us, who could be that upset? Of course anyone would yearn for a problem-free life, but I don't think I'd be as aware of God's presence, constantly remembering to thank Him for all I have. It's easier to reach out and ask for help. I don't think God necessarily causes us to face hardships, but rather, He uses those situations as an opportunity to reveal His goodness and create something positive. This has happened repetitively throughout this whole journey and it's hard to be down when I look back and think about how much good has occurred over the past three months.

December 9

God is doing some amazing things! I shouldn't be surprised when it happens, but I'm still amazed at all the good God brings into the darkest situations. Like, my parents refinanced our house the day I was intubated...someone came to the hospital and they signed the papers on that day and then didn't have a mortgage payment. Talk about perfect timing.

So, yesterday, I was saying how overwhelming it is to not really know what the next step is going to be as far as recovery and rehab. I was even praying, telling God my "deepest desires" like my devotional had said. I just wanted a sign as to which rehab facility to look at, if I should stay in Philly or find a place near home, etc. Mom was researching stim bikes and if it was possible to rent, lease, or buy one since I've had such a good response to the one here at Magee. While looking into this, she came across a rehab place in Baltimore (which would only be about an hour and a half drive from home instead of 3, like Philly). The place is called Kennedy-Krieger and they have all the equipment I've been using- like the stim bikes, treadmill, elliptical/glider, plus even more. (They even have an aquatic treadmill...I have no idea what that is, but it sounds pretty great, haha). So, Mom called me last night and told me about this place an how she sent them an email asking for more information. She called me this afternoon and said that a nurse from the facility had contacted her and seemed really excited about me and the progress I've made so far. They think that they'd be able to do a lot for me and have worked with several cases similar to mine with a lot of success. They have a "bootcamp" program that is two weeks long, 7 days a week, 5 hours a day of really intense therapy or a different program that is 8-12 weeks long, 3 days a week. Both appealed to us and we're looking into getting more information. But everything we had been wondering seemed to be answered...they have housing if needed and they accept our insurance, which coincidentally changes January 1 (perfect timing!)

I was already feeling really great and mom and I were finally feeling more at ease about things. I got off the phone and got a text from my college roommate, Stephanie, not even 5 minutes later. She was just checking in and seeing how I was doing. I told her that I was good, just trying to figure out what the next step was and that we may have found a place to look at in Baltimore. She then told me how she was at an expo for adaptive equipment last week (since she's in OT school) and that she was talking to someone from Baltimore and got their business card after talking to them about me. Guess what? They were from Kennedy-Krieger! And there was my sign.. I don't know if all of it is going to work, but the timing of everything just sent chills down my back. We have to look into it a little more, but this would be great- it's closer to home, they have experience in treating my condition, there's housing if needed, they accept our insurance, it's crazy!

Yesterday was also a good day because I had Jenessa and Molly here in the afternoon and we spent the afternoon OT session decorating the gym for Christmas! I was in charge of putting together the fake 6 foot tree, which took forever. It was so much fun decorating and laughing. It's actually starting to feel like Christmas!

As if the day wasn't good enough, it just got better. Greg, from next door, came and asked if I was coming down to dinner again. I went downstairs to dinner and got to share my story about how amazing God was and everyone was really happy for me. It's the perfect story to share God's perfect timing. After dinner, Greg asked me to go to bingo. I love bingo and they have it here every Wednesday evening, but I haven't made it to any of the sessions yet. I felt like I should go with him since he's leaving Saturday...and I really didn't have an excuse not to. There were patients there from other floor and even though I wasn't very lucky, I was having a lot of fun. I was nowhere close to bingo the whole time, but I was laughing and we were listening to music- having such a good time. And then I won the last THREE games! I got a few boxes of Christmas cards and a framed wall decoration that says something like "Love endures forever."

Just as I was leaving bingo, Jay Kennedy, the pastor from the church I was going to here texted me. It's been awhile, but he had came to visit before. My roommates had written a prayer request in the church communication card and gotten in touch with him. Anyways, he texted me saying that he was at Magee and wanted to surprise me, but I wasn't in my room. I hurried back and couldn't wait to tell him how great things had been going, especially that day. We had a really great talk and he told me how much my journey was going to (if not already) impact so many people. Right before he left, Annie and Nick arrived. The four of us prayed together and then Annie and Nick stayed for awhile longer.

My devotional today read: "Let Me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign Presence protects you wherever you go."

"Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:10

God definitely led me through this whole day and really gave me a sense of peace. This is exactly what I was praying about yesterday! Ah, God is so good!

December 8

I started the day with OT. Natalie wasn't here, so I worked with another therapist named Amy. She came in at 7:30 and our session was to go through a normal daily routine, like making sure I can get out of bed and get ready. Since we now have a discharge date (which is actually the 22nd instead of the 23rd), a lot of the focus in therapies has transitioned into making sure everything is set to go home, not just strength training. Amy was impressed at how much I could do on my own, but I still struggle with lower body dressing and I obviously can't do transfers independently yet.

I feel like I spent a lot of the day talking to different people about how I've been feeling. My mind is on overload and, like I said, the best word to describe all of it is overwhelming. I'm just so excited to go home, but I know how different things are going to be. Just the transition from a hospital type setting to home is a big change. I also think it's going to be a little hard getting back to my daily life- being home and with family, etc. and not being completely healed yet. Everyone I've talked to here has said that I have the right mindset though, anticipating frustrations or potential obstacles instead of not being realistic.

"Come to Me in all your neediness, with defenses down and with desire to be blessed. As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me."

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19

Those were words from my devotional that I kept looking at throughout the day...I'm also feeling little overwhelmed about not knowing what the next step in my recovery is going to be. We have the discharge date and know I'll be home for Christmas, but then what? We were looking into a day rehab program through Magee, but they won't have an opening for me until January 11, and I only have my house in Philly until February, so the living situation would become a problem. We've been trying to find places closer to home, but there aren't many places that specialize in spinal cord. I just keep praying for guidance in this next step. We made the right decision by coming to Magee and I just pray that God will illuminate the path and help us to decide where to go next.

I spent the earlier part of the evening in my room- watching tv and talking on the phone. During this time, my neighbor (Greg) came by twice, another patient came in once, and a woman I'd never met before stopped by. Greg is a middle aged man that I've gone downstairs to dinner with a few times and we've talked a lot about his 11 year old daughter. His daughter, Isabelle, was born with Leber's Congenital Amaurosis, a very rare eye disease that has left her blind since birth. He lights up when he talks about her and I love to listen. He's told me stories about how incredibly smart she is and he's played me videos of her singing- it's incredible. The other patient that stopped into my room is named Komal. He's also a middle aged man who loves to come check on me, especially since we are both Redskins fans. I think both Komal and Greg stopped in because they just wanted someone to listen to them. They were both talking about all the changes that they'll encounter when they leave and just all the things that have happened in their journeys over the past couple months. They don't get a ton of visitors, so I'm glad they feel comfortable coming to me when they just need someone to talk to. My last visitor was a surprise. She introduced herself as Krystal and said that her brother was a patient. She told me that she had seen me around the past week and loved that I always had a smile on my face...she also told me that she just wanted me to know how she had been praying for me. We talked for awhile and I was just so touched by her visit.

December 7

No one likes Mondays, but I feel like if I can just get through it, then the rest of the week goes so much faster. In OT, I did the same arm exercises I've been doing since day one on my stomach. Remember how I used to only be able to do them with an air splint on (to prevent bending of the elbow) and I needed assistance? Today, I did them on my own, no splint, and with wrist weights! I did all the arms machines and 60lbs on the rickshaw (which I had started at 15 and needed help before). I also got onto all 4s and did mini pushups, working on engaging my ab muscles.

I did the treadmill in PT and Steph kept talking about how strong I was...my legs are way more toned, making the treadmill easier (like the people that move each leg have an easier time controlling it), my transfers are constantly getting better, and she said she could tell how strong my arms are just by looking at them in my t-shirt. My posture while standing gets better every week and is starting to feel more natural and not as forced as it used to.

My friend's mom came to visit me again- Mrs. Lenny. She brought lunch from a place where she lives- a gluten free burrito! It was so good. I love having company during the downtime (especially when it's during the day and we can sit in the sunny window). I still can't get over how blessed I am with support like this. My friend's mom, who I had only met once before I got sick, takes the time to drive to Philadelphia and spend time with me. The relationships that I've built over the past few months are so precious. They're evidence of the good God is creating through this experience.

Today's devotional seemed very appropriate..

That last verse is one of my favorites. It's so true that when I try to get through the day without prayer or talking to God- telling Him about what I'm having trouble with or what I want to accomplish, the day seems so much longer. When I take the time to include Him, I just feel more at peace. I can deal with my emotions better. And trust me, there are a lot of emotions each day, haha.

December 4, 5, 6

Friday's therapy consisted of more tall kneel, ab workouts, balance control, and being on my stomach. It was exhausting! But I was glad to have Molly there during one of the sessions to keep me laughing. The added bonus was that she brought me coffee, oatmeal, and did my nails afterwards :)

I'm usually pretty tired by the end of the day and don't feel like wheeling myself anywhere- I'd rather heat up food that my family has put in my fridge and watch gameshow network or talk on the phone, haha. That's exactly what I was doing on Friday when the man next door asked if I'd eaten yet. I really wasn't very hungry and definitely didn't feel like going downstairs to the dining hall, but something made me go down with him. A lot of patients were downstairs eating when we got there and I was surprised at how many staff and patients knew my name and seemed happy to see me. I usually have friends or family with me, so I don't go downstairs at these times. 

I feel like I'm constantly encountering people- both patients and staff- that know who I am and I feel bad that I may not know them. It seems like everyday someone is complimenting me on how great I look and how far I've come. I have a good memory and know almost everyone's name that I've worked with, so I'm always surprised when people I don't recall ever seeing say hi to me. Dusty even told me the other night about how many people have stopped him and told him how I've made their day at some point. And another patient told my mom about how I sit in the lounge window and soak up sunshine so I can spread it to others. I don't even realize doing these things or the impact I'm apparently making others. When I think about that, I'm thankful that God has given me this opportunity to spread His love and hopefully make others smile. 

My parents were here again over the weekend and they brought some of the most amazing food! My aunt had made a beef and mushroom soup that we kept in a crockpot in my room on Saturday. It made the whole room smell amazing...like home. She also made me some amazing chocolate chip banana bread (gluten free, of course, haha). And my roommates sent over food as well, and another banana bread loaf (both may or may not already be gone...)

 I'm so thankful that we decided to come to Magee when we were looking at which rehab facilities to go to. New Jersey and Atlanta would've been way too far away! I definitely feel that an important part of recovery is having a strong support system and I honestly can't imagine anyone having a better support system that I do. I still can't get over how many people have been reaching out to me, sending mail, making visits, etc. It's actually a little overwhelming...It's just so amazing to see or hear about how many people are pulling for me. Not a single day is easy and I'm just so thankful that I don't have to go through any of this alone. 

I did the glider machine again over the weekend. Steph wanted me to work on trying to stand up for longer periods of time and this is a perfect way to do that because you can pump the seat up from a sitting to standing position and if you feel lightheaded at all, you can just start pumping the arms (like an elliptical) and get the blood flowing again. The longest I've been able to stand was about 7 minutes and that was during the standing group last week. Well, while on the glider, I was standing still for over 15 minutes and I never once got dizzy! Since I was able to stand for this long without any drop in my blood pressure, I get to try that robotic treadmill on Wednesday! I originally wasn't going to be able to because the set up takes about 10 minutes and they thought I'd pass out from standing and not moving for that long, haha. I'm a little nervous, but hoping for the best- the robotic treadmill is supposed to be even better than the one I've been doing because instead of having people move your legs, it's electronic and can be much more precise in its movements. 

On Sunday, there were several activities around the building. We went to open art studio, where I finished a project I'd been working on for the last couple weeks (Dusty's Christmas present). I'm really impressed with it and can't wait to post a picture after Christmas! I also went to open greenhouse and planted a holly bush for my grandma. There was even a jewelry making session later in the afternoon! I had gone to one of them a few weeks ago and made my mom a necklace. When my grandma heard how much I enjoyed it, she bought me all kinds of beads and tools to make my own. I've made several bracelets and plan to give them out as Christmas presents since I obviously haven't done much shopping. The lady in charge of the jewelry workshop was really impressed with all the bracelets mom and I had made over the past couple weeks. These sessions not only give us something to do on the weekends, but mom and I enjoy getting to talk to patients from different floors and hearing their stories. I don't know if I mentioned it, but the 3rd floor is all general rehab and amputees, 4th floor is stroke and brain injuries, and the 5th floor is spinal cord (where I am). 

Every time Mom is here, she helps me stretch out my legs to keep good flexibility and reduce some of my ankle swelling. I always attempt to move my toes, feet or legs during this time and although the movement may not be that obvious, she can at least feel the difference in strength from one week to the next. The reflexes in my feet have gotten more apparent over the last couple weeks as well. My doctor from home said this is a great sign and that everything is intact, so I'm still playing the waiting game...praying everyday for patience. 

December 2 and 3

This week went by so fast! Dusty got in on Tuesday night and his sister and mom arrived Wednesday. We kept busy, but brought out Phase 10 whenever there was any downtime. I made my first batch of gluten free brownies on Wednesday. Everyone knows how much I love cooking and baking, so it's nice that Tracy and I can spend time in the kitchen at least once a week. (I even sent a plate home with Annie when she visited Thursday...she said it was like I was still cooking for all the roommates like I used to.)

Dusty got approved by my therapists to do transfers on his own and I also got upgraded for nursing to do my transfers. We were using a lift in therapy and in the bedroom before I was strong enough for transfers (and when I first got here, I couldn't even support my own head when they used the lift). I wasn't able to do them in the bedroom until this week because they had to get better and stronger. Now I can because they've improved to "minimum assistance." Hard to believe that they think I'll be able to transfer myself at some point to different chairs or into bed, etc.

We worked on lower body dressing again on Wednesday and I got pretty frustrated. It's just so hard to lift yourself up and pull up pants at the same time...We tried a leaning technique (like leaning from side to side in the chair), but pushing myself up in the chair and trying to grab the pants at the same time is just too much to do. We finally worked out a way for me to do it in bed by rolling from side to side, but I'm just hoping I get more movement in my legs and hips and none of this will be a problem.

Tracy had me go to the roof again and practice more curb cuts during rec therapy. When we did this last Monday, I tried the largest one with the biggest hill and got stuck, then started rolling backwards totally freaked myself out. Today, I did that one first and made it up all by myself!

In PT, Steph and I worked on doing a car transfer. They have a really old car (on the roof of all places, haha) that people can practice with. It's a really awkward transfers because there's not much room for someone to get in front of you as you move from the wheelchair to the car chair, mostly because car doors don't open all the way and then the dash board gets in the way. We did it though! I'm hoping to practice in one of my family's cars or one similar in size next week to see how it goes.

Dusty also learned how to set up the stim bike this week. We're trying to order one through insurance since I get such a good response, but who knows how that'll end up. If nothing else, we may be able to go to a rehab place at home and as long as you have someone that knows how to set it up, you can spend extra time doing it. I'd love to have extra therapy on my own time by doing the bike, so this would be perfect.

Some PT students came to Magee for a lab and had asked me to participate. I don't mind doing things like this since I'm a student too and know how important hands on practice can be. For some reason, I just wasn't in the mood to help, though! I'd had an exhausting day of therapies and the last thing I wanted was to have a bunch of students watching me. Dusty convinced me to do it anyways and it actually went really well. They were impressed with my range of motion and how flexible I am since joints tend to get stiffer during spinal cord injuries and there's usually a limitation on how far certain body parts can be stretched or moved. Luckily, my parents and Dusty made sure to stretch me out the whole time I was in ICU, so this was never a problem for me. At the end of the lab, the therapist and one of the students helped to stand me up. Any time I can get weight through my legs is good, so it was kind of like extra therapy for me. The student even felt my right quad contract! and I didn't need any help at the trunk...Dusty was impressed with how much my posture has improved since he hadn't seen me stand the last few times.

Annie got here in perfect timing Thursday...just as Dusty was leaving. Goodbyes are always the hardest, so I was relieved she got here before I could get too upset. (Side note- I burst into tears earlier in the day when I realized that in less than 3 weeks, I won't have to say goodbye to him or my family again since I'll be with them all the time. Dusty said I cry when I'm happy and when I'm sad, but the happy tears were much easier to deal with, haha). It was such a great visit with Annie and reminded me of all the times she would come upstairs and lay on my bed, talking about everything. We may have shed a few tears when I made a comment about probably never going back up to my bedroom on the third flood of our house here in Philly. We read a couple entries from my devotional together and the strangest thing happened...the whole time I read outlaid, my legs were spasming and jumping a bit. They weren't doing that at all before I picked up the devotional. I felt like it was God's way of telling me to pay attention to the words I was reading.

Here's a little bit from what I was reading and what we were talking about:

"When you keep your focus on Me, you experience both My Presence and My Peace."
I thought that was perfect timing because I was focused on Him instead and that's when my legs started moving. I feel like things like this happen a lot. When I stop being so focused on what isn't happening or how slow things are progressing and just spend time talking to God, that's when I start to see more changes.
And just when I started thinking about this, I read another entry that said "Through your sacrifice of precious time, I bless you far more than you dare to ask." God really just wants us to have that relationship and to talk to Him- when things are both good and bad. I'm trying to spend more time thanking Him for all the little things I encounter throughout the day and to voice my concerns and hopes and dreams.

"Devote yourself to prayer, being watchful and thankful." Colossians 4:2

Annie and I reread this passage and the part that really stuck out to me was " call upon My Name...At that instant, the battle becomes Mine; your role is simply to trust Me as I fight for you." A lot of times, I feel bad just coming to God with all my problems, but this is what He wants. He wants us to ask for help so that He can show us how beautiful He is. Annie said something that really stuck with me. We were talking about how bad things happen to good people and I was just trying to wrap my head around how all this happened, which I do often, even though I know God is in control. She said that God didn't make this happen...we live in a broken world and it is times like this that God is able to show His beauty and power. I keep trying not to be so fixed on the why and more focused on God's works through this whole journey- it's a daily battle, but each day I'm made more aware of how many great changes have come from the last few months.

November 30 and December 1

Yesterday was my dad's birthday and although we don't do much for birthdays (usually just a favorite meal and family time), I was still sad I wasn't home. I know I'm not missing out on too much outside of these walls right now- school can be picked back up when I'm better and I can make new memories and have new adventures or experiences once this is all over, but that doesn't make this any easier. My mom keeps reminding me that I can't change the circumstances, but I can change my attitude. She also said that I should make the most of this experience- maybe God wants me to make relationships here...It's just weird to think that I'm working so hard and so impatient with my recovery and I should be enjoying this time somehow...like enjoying making new relationships and experiences. I have no idea what God has in store for me or His reasoning for all of this, but I am trying to use this time to draw closer to Him and to interact with other people, especially patients that don't have many visitors.

Christin kept me company yesterday afternoon and even got to stay and watch the treadmill. I wish the sun would've shined more through my favorite window, but we still went to the lounge and I still kept warm for the most part. Neither Steph or Natalie were there yesterday, but I did a lot of arm strengthening exercises in OT and the treadmill went well for PT. Ellen, my sweet 82 year old roommate, and I went down to dinner together. I wasn't very hungry, but I was trying to be social and I knew it was Ellen's last night before she left to go home. We got ice cream and decided to bring it upstairs to our room and watch The Voice. I wish someone could've taped us trying to get upstairs- me with my hot tea and ice cream in my lap and her with her decaf coffee and ice cream. I tried to hold the elevator for her, but it shut. It took me up a couple levels and I had to go back down to the cafeteria level to try to find her. We were cracking up and had everyone else laughing when we got back upstairs. `

I know I've been fortunate to have visitors every single day that I've been here...that's every day since October 8. Today is the first day that I don't have someone coming...at least that I know about. I knew there would have to be days when this would happen and I really wasn't sure how I'd deal with it. To top it off Ellen left this morning. So it's really quieter and emptier around here. I had therapy all morning (9-12) and then met Julie to paint a little bit before she had to leave for the day, so my morning was really busy. The afternoon, however, is going much slower. I'm trying to keep myself busy by reading a new book I bought on the kindle, catching up on these blogs, and watching gameshow network, haha. I went to the lounge a little bit ago and talked with one of the other patients for awhile, which helped pass some time.

My therapies this morning were pretty tiring. I got into tall kneel and on all fours again, which is always difficult, but I like putting that weight on my legs because I'm hoping and praying something more will happen in my lower extremities soon. In PT, Steph said that the other therapists I had worked with while she was off reported that my transfers were minimum assist. If I can do that consistently with different people and on different surfaces, then I won't need an electronic or manual lift when I leave in three weeks (which is the plan!). We also discussed different options in a custom wheelchair. I think I mentioned it before, but they will give me a loaner chair when I leave that is similar to what I've been using. We'll put an order in for a custom chair, but it takes 3 months to come in. If by some chance I don't need the custom chair in 3 months, we can just cancel the order (how wonderful would that be?!) My legs and feet keep spasming, like they're trying to work, so I'm trying really hard to be patient. I know it'll happen when I least expect it, but it's all I can think about!






































I have to admit that I didn't start my day with my devotional, like I prefer to. I actually just read it after I typed up the beginning part of this blog. How amazing is it to know that God knew us before we were even born? It brings me back to the realization that this isn't my story to write...I'm just living it. And no matter what I do, I am loved...an everlasting love. It's true, in this day and age, we get so caught up in the business of life that we lose track of time and don't find that "stillness." I'll admit it- I wasn't very good about reading my devotional everyday or taking time to talk to God or thank Him for things throughout the day. That's one thing that this atmosphere has helped me with. Granted, I am really busy with therapies, but there is still some down time that I've chosen to fill with prayer and thinking and trying to deal with all of this. "The ultimate protection against sinking during life's storms is devoting time to develop your relationship with Me." It's easier to devote the time when you're removed from life's chaos, so I pray that I can continue strengthening my relationship with God when I leave....which is thought to be on December 23rd! I have so much I want to accomplish before then, but the count down is on and I'm so thankful that I'll get to spend Christmas at home.