"It is not an easy road, but it is a delightful and privileged way." I'm not quite sure if delightful is the exact word I'd use, but I do feel privileged with how blessed I've been. With as much as this has sucked, I'm not sure if I'd change it. Yeah, I'd like to fast forward and be able to reflect on it instead of still living through it, but I've learned so much. My relationships are so much stronger and I've gained so many new friendships. I remember Mom telling me a few weeks ago "I wouldn't wish for you to go through this, but I have enjoyed the extra time with you." It's like we feel guilty saying there's good in this experience...but I think that's the purpose- God is creating goodness and light in the darkness. Mom is always saying it's about the journey and to enjoy the now- not the frustrating parts, but all the good shining through.
Today, the morning started rocky with the hotel fire alarm going off at 5:30...the loud speaker said to remain where you were, but I was so scared. I was laying in bed, not even in my chair...I felt helpless. How was I going to get out if they announced that we needed to evacuate? I was thankful to be on the second floor instead of the 25th, but still. I was comforted to know the firemen would know to check the handicap rooms first, but then I was upset to think about myself being labeled as "handicapped." Over 30 minutes later, a few tears, and several prayers, the alarm and flashing lights stopped. The rest of the morning was much smoother. Sally and I made it to breakfast downstairs and were greeted by so many of the wonderful staff members at the hotel. They all go out of their way to help me. I just got the buffet, but one of the waiters came over with refreshing oj and told us over and over how we didn't have to worry about the bill and that we could have anything we wanted. They offered my waffles and pancakes (that I can't eat because they aren't gluten free), then went into the back and made me an egg white omelet.
A floor transfer and wheelies were the therapeutic excitement of the afternoon. They were both so much better than the last time I did them, right before I left the main hospital. We ended the day of therapy with Jeanette, the woman in charge of the greenhouse at inpatient, helping everyone plant something for Valentine's Day. I planted an African violet and decided to give it to Herb for his wife. He was so happy and glad he didn't have to go to the store for a present, haha. I'm glad I gave it to him because he had a little bag of valentines candy for me and I would've felt bad if I didn't have anything for him.
Last night, one of my friends from college sent me this video. Although I didn't have Guillain-Barre, she thought I'd like it.
I cried the whole time I watched it, reflecting back on the past five months. I remember the trach, first time outside, my first hand movements, first time in a chair, first stand... It was all too familiar. I shared it with Mom and Dusty. I think for Mom and I, it gave immediate hope; for Dusty, it brought back a lot of bad memories. I'm excited to continue my journey and be able to reflect back on my first steps, first time with a walker, then first time walking independently. I can't wait for my happily ever after.
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