I don't believe in coincidences... I may use the phrase "what a coincidence!" but when I stop to think about it, is it really? Things don't just happen out of the blue. Things happen for a reason. Everything happens for a reason.
I chose to believe that when I'm stuck in traffic when I'm in a hurry to get somewhere, God is keeping me from something--from being involved in an accident if I would've gotten where I was headed to 15minutes earlier, etc. I believe that when things don't happen when I want them to do, God is telling me that His plan is better than mine (which is a hard pill to swallow sometimes). I believe that God puts people in our lives just when we need them, and He may also let people fade out of our lives if they aren't having a positive impact on us.
Well, God made His presence known loud and clear last Saturday morning. I had to go to Philadelphia last week to meet with one of my professors in preparation for an upcoming exam and then Mom and I stayed in York because Rachel's (one of my grad school roommates) bridal shower was the following afternoon.
I've honestly been in a little bit of a funk this past week because I've started experiencing some changes in my body. After I had that strange sensation in my feet, like they were always asleep, Dr. Pardo warned me that while it is a good sign and indicates nerve recovery, nerve pain may follow. He explained that those nerves are trying to rewire and reconnect, but the circuitry isn't perfect, so there will be misfiring. There's no way to know how my body will react, but he told me to let him know if I needed any medications for the discomfort. At the time he told me all of this, I kind of brushed it off, I could handle feeling like my feet were asleep. It didn't hurt, it was just a little annoying. This week is when that pain started to kick in. And I don't really like to call it pain, but more like extreme discomfort. If you know me, you know how much I hate to be cold and this sensation is best described as being cold all the way to the bone- the tops of my thighs, down my legs, and the tips of my toes almost feel frostbit. Maybe it's all in my head and how I like to think about the nerves trying to reconnect, but it also feels like small electrical zaps. I keep picturing an electrical wire cut in half and then trying to touch the broken ends together again. Those sparks are what I'm feeling (or convincing myself that I'm feeling). Along with this steady electrical hum or buzz. My friends always described a "buzzing" in their legs or feet and I can finally join the club...not that I'm proud of it, but at least I understand what they're talking about now.
I was extremely uncomfortable Friday night and was starting to have a little pity party for myself. I don't want to be like other patients I've talked to that stop doing what they enjoy doing or living their life and have to stay in bed because of their nerve pain and discomfort. Not wanting to go out to dinner that night because I was so uncomfortable made me feel like I was going to be like that...and I don't want this illness to take away anything more than what it already has. I'm supposed to be improving, taking my life back, not taking steps backwards. I did decide to suck it up and go out and was happy I did and was actually feeling much better once I got out of the hotel room.
So, back to my story about Saturday morning. We didn't set an alarm, which allowed for a slower start. I had to shower and the bathroom wasn't the most accessible, so getting in and out of the shower was a little bit of a struggle. By the time I was ready, it was 9:15 and we were worried that breakfast may stop by 9:30, so we rushed downstairs. As soon as we got down there, I took the closest table and Mom went to see what food was available. This man said good morning to me, then started to talk to Mom as he got his food. There was just something about this man and the way he carried himself that made me think people are easily drawn to him and I wanted to know more about why he was here, so I was happy Mom kept asking questions. It wasn't surprising when he said he does evangelical work.
Turns out, he was a retired NBA player in town with an organization called SportsPower International. It's an organization where several retired players and professional athletes conduct internationally televised basketball games, camps, clinics, school assemblies, etc. and share stories of faith, leadership and responsibility with today's youth. Mom and I ate our breakfast and about 20minutes later, my eyes caught this man's from across the room. He was with a group of people (some who were very tall men that I assumed must be other players) and he motioned for me to come over. I don't know why I looked up when I did or really why I felt like I should go over there when he told me to, but I just did. They were having a small devotional to start the day and I felt so privileged to be a part of it. The pastor and the one leading the discussion had been the champlain for the Knicks for 25 years!
At the end of the discussion, I shared my story and we all held hands as they prayed for me. I feel like people are always praying for me and I've been in situations like this before, but this was so much more...powerful. Mom and I both said that we felt like if they had prayed and said for me to stand up, we honestly think it would've happened right then and there. They said something I hadn't really thought about before...I'm using my story now to reach people, but God will be even more glorified when I stand up and give my testimony. It's all about timing and I don't think it's the right time yet.
The organization has a base in Baltimore and they invited us to come by the church if we have any free time when we're in town.
It was such an unexpected experience and it couldn't have come at a better time. Just when I was feeling kind of down and defeated about how uncomfortable I'd been feeling, we met these incredible people that literally welcomed us with open arms. I feel like sometimes, my wheelchair prevents people from getting close or kind of intimidates or scares them, but sometimes, it invites people to get close and share their story. These are the encounters that people talk about when you ask them if they'd change anything about being in a wheelchair. More times than not, people answer by saying they'd give anything to walk again, but they wouldn't change the journey and the relationships they've made along the way. This is what they're talking about.
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