I was having a conversation with some of my therapists this morning while walking in the pool and I just felt like I needed to write about it and share...
I always enjoy being in the pool with Rachel, because you can count on her to have at least one entertaining story about her kids. Today, it started with the story of raising a frog. Trust me, these stories are as amusing as they sound (and sometimes we start laughing and get so carried away that we forget what we're doing.) The frog story is definitely not the conversation I wanted to write about, but I feel like I just need to share it and hopefully make people laugh before I get into something a little heavier. Anyways, Rachel has gotten the kids things like butterfly kits in the past so they could watch the life cycle, learn about raising an animal, etc. Well, her sister bought them this "life of a frog" kit, thinking it would be another experience like the butterflies, but maybe a little more advanced. Well, it was a LOT more advanced, with a 30 page instruction manual enclosed. Rachel said she started reading this kit and saw that the average lifespan of these frogs is anywhere from 5-15 years! and they aren't water frogs, which totally ruined her plan of releasing it into the pond behind their house, haha.
I love these stories not just because they're hilarious, but also because I love hearing about Rachel's interactions with her kids and her parenting skills (which I think are amazing, by the way). This morning, she was on a kick about how children should interact with people that have disabilities and how their parents should teach them to interact with those people. She really started thinking about this because her middle child, the five year old, saw an adult that was their size for the first time and blurted something about that person out loud...now, being a five year old, I think he was just excited that an adult was closer to his height, but nonetheless, it wasn't appropriate to say something out loud like he did. Instead of ignoring what happened, or waiting until later to bring it up, Rachel brought her son right over to the woman, had introductions and said how her son wanted to meet her and that she was sorry for interrupting their dinner. I'm not really sure how I would have handled it, but I liked her point about not just ignoring what your child does and to deal with it in the moment. What are we teaching children if we ignore certain things or simply "let things go" ? Don't you think they'll carry that with them in life and use those tactics to handle other situations in life?
This brought us into a whole conversation about how children interact with people in wheelchairs. Children are innocently curious about wheelchairs. I can't even tell you how many I've had go past me and get really close, just to try to touch the wheel. And whenever a child asks their parent "why is she in that chair" or something along those lines, if my mom is with me, she'll lean over and say "you can ask her." And it starts a conversation. And I think the kids become more comfortable. Now, this is a lot different than some of the other interactions I've had with adults (who should know better!!) So, I took that opportunity to tell them about some of the things people have said to me..(and I'll fill you in, as well)..
-"Aw, were you in an accident?" Um, first of all, that's kind of personal to ask a stranger that you've never seen or talked to before. And what if I was in an accident? Do you know how many people I've met that have an SCI from a traumatic car accident? A lot! And many of those people need to have therapy to deal with the PTSD that comes from something so tragic. How do you think those people feel when a stranger asks them about their accident?
-"How long are you going to be in that wheelchair?" I guess this doesn't bother me as much as most people (although it definitely still does to some extent!) because I'm still continually seeing progress, but how awful of a question is that to ask someone who may not get out of their wheelchair? And shame on you for thinking they should! For so many people, it just becomes part of who they are...like having brown hair or blue eyes. Why does getting out of their wheelchair and walking have to be an issue?
-"Has the doctor given you a date for when you're going to start walking?" Is that even a serious question?? "Yeah, on May 25, the doctor said I'll wake up and be able to get out of bed and go for a run." (This really happened).
-"So and so is in a wheelchair, do you know them?" well...I know this person who walks, do you know them?
-A 350lb man came up to me on his motorized scooter and said "as you can see, we have a lot in common," as he proceeded to tell me about his osteoarthritis and how the doctor said if he just lost 150lb, he'd have a much easier time getting around... which leads me to the next thing I get pretty often: "I was in a wheelchair for a little bit after my surgery (for ___) and I hated it!! I don't know how you do it...how long do you have to use it?" ...really?
-the woman at church that greeted me by saying "well look at you there in that wheelchair.." I understand people just say what comes to their mind, but that was honestly enough to make me not want to go back...
The list goes on and on...
But Rachel asked me what would be appropriate for her kids to ask.. What should she teach them? And I thought that was an amazing way to parent. Like, what is okay to say and what isn't? I mean, for the most part, kids are kids, and you have to remember that they are just curious and really don't know any better. I told her to just let them treat the person with a disability like anyone else, I really don't think people are going to be upset about a child being curious. Now, if you teach your child to just sit back and stare (like their parents usually do), that's a different story. I think most people would rather have the child ask about the wheelchair. When kids do that I usually reply with "I got sick and my legs are getting stronger." That's enough of an answer for them, which is much different from most adults. Kids are satisfied with that answer and just move onto talking about something else, like the wheelchair no longer exists now that it was addressed. Why can't everyone be like that? I really feel like if we teach this to children while they're young, maybe our perception of disabilities will change in society. Maybe we will no longer look at someone in a wheelchair, someone using a walker, someone with a cain, as if something is wrong with them, but start seeing it as just another way they get around...or even as another character trait, like the color of their hair.
Here are a couple videos I've found somewhat amusing, but also so true. Maybe people can get more of a look into what it's like in the day of a wheelchair users and the ignorance we have to deal with...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0jrmmqBBZ8
https://www.buzzfeed.com/tallalex/the-10-most-stupid-things-you-should-never-say-to-icll?utm_term=.uhP6lNvJWx#.rwYaBo1eVw
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