January 21

I feel like it's been forever since I have written an update. These last two weeks went by pretty fast when I look back on them, but they were absolutely exhausting. Each day actually felt like a full time job. I woke up and just getting out of bed and getting dressed made me feel like I'd been in the gym, doing sit-ups for two full hours. Most mornings, I woke up, was in the pool by 8:30 (for an hour) and then back to the gym for three full hours of therapy. Many days, I still ended up going to the wellness gym in the afternoon to ride the bike or get in a standing frame, as if four full hours of pushing my body to pure exhaustion wasn't enough. Last week, I even went back to the room and studied until bed because I had an exam on Saturday. I was also crazy enough to have gone to the gym last Monday and lifted weights, but was really paying for it by the end of the week (I could hardly hold myself up with the walker!). I was so used to how things used to be when I was in therapy over five months ago. I never really fatigued before and couldn't understand why everyone else would talk about how tired they were by Thursday that they barely made it back by Friday. Trust me, I understand now. I think everything was just passive up until now...I wasn't strong enough to actually do the work myself. I was just letting the therapists move me, but now I'm strong enough to be doing the work on my own. All the therapists even tell me "I'm not even doing anything!" during each session (oh, and I know it, because I'M doing all the work!)

I really ended this week strong, despite how many times I wanted to stop right there in the middle of the gym. I started the week by discovering that I could crawl in the pool- both on my hands and knees and just on my knees (while holding my therapist's hands). The next pool session, we tried it again, but Dennis made me crawl while on the treadmill. This meant one thing--I had to go fast enough to keep up with the treadmill speed! We also even used the walker on the treadmill and I had to walk forward and backwards (it was as hard as it sounds!) The most difficult part was holding my own hips and stepping, all while moving the walker.

Every time we did something in the gym, it was better than the previous attempt. The therastride was better Friday than I'd ever done it and the techs even commented on how different it seemed than past sessions. Same with walking over ground. I still use the waist harness attached to the lift over head to take away some of the body weight, making it a little easier for me. And I still had someone at my hips, helping keep me up straight, but it was still improving. By the end of last week, I didn't need the upper body harness (which was a huge improvement since August...I actually remember Dennis trying to take away that support and I just fell forward. I went home and told Dusty I was never going to be able to walk because I couldn't even support my own upper body, let alone do the rest of what is required to walk). Then yesterday, we did the walking over ground as my last activity. I was tired from already being in the gym for three hours and because it was Friday, but I was going to give it my all right up until the very end. I had the lower harness on and someone pushing my hips forward a little, so my butt wasn't sticking out (my lower abs still aren't quite strong enough to keep my in good position for very long--what my therapists call a "posterior pelvic tilt." I like to relax in a more anterior position). I was using a walker and Erin was in front of me, keeping my stance knee straight so that I could get a better weight shift on it, but the stepping with the other leg was ALL ME. For the first time! I didn't need any help pulling my foot through. I'm usually able to initiate a step, or complete it, but the main problem is that my toes always get caught. Well, for the first time, that wasn't happening at all. It went so well and I was so tired, but also so determined. I completed as many laps up and down the gym as time would allow and am surprised I didn't sleep the whole way home.

I know I have a long ways to go, but I'm really thankful that I still have yet to hit that "plateau" of progress that everyone keeps warning me about. I go weeks without thinking much has changed and then it takes a week like I just had to show me how much really has changed. It takes a therapist saying "I wonder if you can do this." or Mom saying "I had a dream that you could do this, let's try it." It's one small goal at a time, which has been hard for me, because I'd rather chase after the big goals and achieve the whole picture, but KKI instills new hope in me every time I'm there and I'm so thankful my path has led me there because I don't think I would've been able to see this much improvement (and continue to) if I weren't there.