August 29

Today's the day I've kind of been dreading. One year ago, it was the day I woke up with the worst headache ever and the last day I was in clinic, seeing patients on my own. The day everything started to fall apart. I know a day is just a number on a calendar and I hate that it has a looming significance. It needs to be what I make it, not what the past has made it. 

I have a friend who got a divorce a while ago and just found out that her adoption has gone through and she is going to become a mom in a couple months. We were talking about throwing her a baby shower and she said she wanted to have it at the church where she got married. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. Why would you want to have a baby shower- something that symbolizes happiness and new beginnings- in a place where you got married to someone you are no longer with? She made a good point and said something I'll never forget- "I need to have it there to replace bad memories with good ones." It was then that I decided not to let anything- especially this next week bring me down just because of the date of what happened a year ago. Each day is going to be significant for the next couple weeks for one reason or another. The day I went to the hospital and didn't leave. The day I got admitted. The day I got into bed on my own and never got back out on my own two feet. The day I was flown to UVA. The day I crashed and was put on a ventilator. But...I can make something positive and something memorable happen on those days this year to cover up the bad memories. It's my mission this week and in the weeks to come. I wanted to say that September is the worst month. It's my unlucky month. But maybe I can turn into just the opposite.